Red vs Blue: Symphonian Stories Season 3
by Rey'ekk
Summary: Aska's been kidnapped, a new Freelancer shows up, time travel, Genis is an idiot... wait that last part is nothing new. Come inside for all the chaos, and... yeah all the chaos. AU Based off of Red vs. Blue, which I will never own because Rooster Teeth does better then I would.
1. Separation

Chapter 1

Separation

Lloyd Irving woke up, albeit in extreme pain. Not long ago, he was hit with a rocket by an evil Centurion AI named Tenebrae, who was controlling a medic that annoyed both his team, The Sylvaranti Blues, and his enemies, the Tethe'allan Reds. One of the Reds, Presea Combatir was with him, trying to comfort him.

"Come on, Blue guy," she begged the groaning soldier. "You gotta wake up. Wake up!"

"It hurts," he moaned as he struggled to move. "Just let me die…"

"You can't die, I'm bored," Presea cried out. "All these two wanna talk about is chick stuff."

"Wouldn't you be interested in that since you're a chick?" Lloyd asked, still moaning.

"Yeah, but they're not talking about the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns."

He looked over to where Marta Lualdi, his teammates ex-girlfriend and current mercenary, who usually went by the nickname Lu, was chatting to Luna, the Blue's AI-controlled tank. "I don't have treads," the freelancer was saying, "but I often find them staring at things they really shouldn't be."

"You see?" Presea shouted, turning back to Lloyd. "Boring stuff like oppression, and a hostile work environment."

With great difficulty, Irving rolled onto his back. "Get Yggy… I need Yggy…"

"I can't," Presea replied. "He got possessed by that evil guy and they escaped. He's the one that shot you, don't you remember?"

"I know," Irving muttered. "I want him to shoot me again…"

"Now, now, now," Presea scolded, waving her finger like a condescending parent. "Sounds like someone's got a case of the 'poor me's. If you were gonna die, you would have done it by now. Maybe you just need to realize you're gonna have to live with intense pain."

"Get that Aurion guy," Irving winced. "Have him make me a new body."

"We can't." Presea sighed. "We're out of parts because we overused that joke. And Sarge left with the others to chase Yggy." She smiled as she looked towards the Red Base's teleporter. "But don't you worry, they left a long time ago, so I'm sure they'll be back any minute. Sheena had a fool-proof plan to catch him."

* * *

Meanwhile, Sheena Fujibayashi, one of the Reds, had landed in a long corridor with teleporters everywhere and as she wandered around, she found similar corridors, but no sign of Mithos/Tenebrae, Aska or the others.

"Hellooooo…" she called out as she entered the umpteenth corridor. "Hello?" When nobody responded, she sighed. "Just great, I guess we all got separated in the teleporter." She flicked on her radio earpiece. "Sarge, this is Fujibayashi 2.0. Do you read me? Apparently your plan to chase Aska and Yggy has failed miserably." She started walking around the corridors a bit.

"I appear to be stuck in some kind of nexus of teleporters which could take me anywhere in the Universe… Or it's a janitor's closet, hell, I don't fucking know…" She waited for a response but only heard static. "Sarge, are you there? Sarge!"

* * *

Kratos Aurion and Genis Sage weren't having any better luck. They found themselves in a creek in the middle of a small canyon. Kratos turned on his radio earpiece for the 5th time, trying to get some kind of signal.

"Hello, anyone?" he called out. "Do you read me? Do I read you? Anyone? Anybody? Nobody? Okay…" Kratos switched off his radio with an exasperated sigh and turned to Genis. "Well, I don't think the others are coming. They must have gotten separated somehow." he said, taking in the surroundings a bit.

Genis just glanced down at his feet. "My toes are getting pruny."

"Ooookay," Kratos muttered as he waded out of the creek. "Why don't we try to find Tenebrae?"

"I know where you can find him," Genis called out as he followed. "He lived inside my head for a while; maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates."

Kratos sighed and shook his head. "Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left, and the carpet, and the drapes… and I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if you know what I mean."

As they neared a large building, Genis ran on ahead, turned a corner and then skidded to a halt. "Hey, Aurion, look! A sleeping person!"

"What?" Kratos ran forward and gasped in alarm. "Holy macaroon!"

There, lying in a pool of blood on the ground was a soldier in regulation blue armor, like Genis. Kratos stepped up to the soldier, knelt down and felt for a pulse. "He's not sleeping, son… he's dead."

"Oh good," Genis sighed in relief. "At first, I thought that was me, because I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that cannot be me. That would be silly."

Kratos bowed his head sadly. "No doubt he was killed by our very enemy. Once again, I find myself torn. On the one hand, there's one less Blue in the universe, but now Yggy's got a bigger body count than me! And that just won't do, no sir." He stood up and gave a solemn salute to the soldier. "Rest in peace… scumbag."

Genis just ran around another corner and stopped again. "Look – more sleeping people!"

Kratos came up from behind and stared in silence. All around the field, there were more dead soldiers, some Reds and some Blues. He did a quick count and found there was six of each team, making twelve soldiers in total.

"It must be nap time," Genis said then he looked puzzled. "But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times."

"What the Samuel Helsinki happened here?" Kratos breathed. "There must have been an enormous battle." He stepped forward and called out, "HELLO! Is anyone okay? Are there any survivors; preferably any Red survivors? But don't let that discourage you from speaking up if you're Blue, I won't step on your neck or anything like that?"

"Am I allowed to answer?" Genis asked.

Just then, a loud trumpeting tune started to play, softly at first but getting steadily louder.

"Shh quiet," Sarge hissed as he listened to the tune. "You hear that?"

Genis tilted his head to listen but he just heard the creek. "Yes. That noise is called water. It is very wet and very sloshy-"

"I was talking about the trumpet, Bluetard," Kratos muttered as the music continued.

Genis then crossed his legs and gave an uncomfortable grimace. "I have to go to the bathroom for some reason… which is odd, because I already went when we were standing in the creek together."

As the trumpeting finished its tune, Kratos's eyes widened in realization. "Wait a minute, I know that song. That's Reveille. But why would someone be playing Reveille in the middle of a-"

"YAAAAAHHH! WOOHOOOOO!" Suddenly, all of the dead soldiers jumped to their feet and started cheering and shouting.

"Sweet jibbily jiblets!" Kratos yelped in surprise.

"Haul ass!" Genis shouted.

At once, the Red and Blue soldiers formed two lines of six and ran off, ignoring Kratos and Genis and heading out into the canyon. The Blues ran into the Base's front door while the Reds crossed the forest into another building on the other side of the forest.

Kratos just stared in stunned silence. "What just happened there?"

Genis turned to look at him. "I think all the sleeping people were trying to ke-"

"That was rhetorical." Hearing shouts from a nearby window, Kratos ran up and turned to Genis. "Get over here and give me a boost!"

"Okay," Genis said as he stepped up to the Red CO. "You are a good person, and people say nice things about you."

"Not a morale boost, moron," Kratos said, in a deadpan tone. "A physical one; I need to see what's in that window."

Genis looked up to the window. "That window is pretty high," he noted. "I don't think you're tall enough."

"I know," Kratos sighed impatiently. "I need you to help me look through it."

"I don't think I'm tall enough either," Genis replied crossly. "Also my head is round, that window is square."

"Oh, come here, you," Kratos sighed. He knelt down by Genis and slid his hands under his foot and with a loud grunt, he tossed Genis up to the window.

"Whoa," Genis yelped as he was thrown up. He managed to get a hand onto the window ledge, and peered his head to look up.

"What do you see?" Kratos called up.

Genis looked through the window. "I see… a room."

"And what's in the room?"

"There are some walls, and some ceilings. Wait- just one ceiling."

"What's making that racket?" Kratos asked as the shouts grew louder.

Genis looked inside and spotted the Blues standing around a flag and shouting, "Kill the Reds, kill the Reds, kill the Reds, kill the Reds, kill the Reds!"

Genis gulped. "Yeah, you are not going to like it…"

Genis let go of the ledge and landed safely on the ground. "Sage, I have a bad feeling abou-" But another trumpeting tune echoed across the canyon and the two looked round. "What's that?"

His answer came seconds later, as the Base's door slid open and the Blues burst out into the forest yelling, "Chaaaaaarrrrge!" On the other side, the Reds came out in a similar fashion and all hell broke loose!

"Come on, Sage!" Sarge yelled out as guns blazed all around them. "We gotta get to higher ground!"

As they ran off, a nearby Blue soldier blasted his foe with his assault rifle and then took out another clip. "Yeah, I love reloading!"

But then, a Red soldier smashed his fist into the Blue's head, taking him down. As the Blue fell to the ground, he called out, "Tell my girlfriend I love her."

"She's my girlfriend now, bitch," the Red yelled.

By then, Sarge spotted a nearby ladder and he and Genis scrambled up to the ledge and watched the carnage below.

"Aurion, I'm scared of our new friends." Genis said, trying to catch his breath.

"Good god," Kratos muttered. "What's going on here?"

Just then, a Red soldier ran out of the Blue Base, carrying the blue flag over his shoulder. "Stop fighting, stop fighting!" he shouted out. "Everyone, stop fighting!"

The Red and Blue armies stopped shooting and turned round. Kratos and Genis watched as the Red soldier waved the flag around. "Everyone, everyone look unto me! I possess the Blue flag!"

The Reds gasped in awe. "It's more beautiful than I ever imagined." one soldier breathed.

"I have seen the top of the mountain." the Red with the flag shouted, reveling in his new-found zealotry. "And you will worship me as though I were a God!"

Just then, four Blues mobbed around him and took him out WWE-style.

"I regret nothing," the Red Zealot cried out as he died. "I lived as few men dare to dream!"

The other Reds and Blues glanced at each other for a moment then shrugged and continued the slaughter.

One Red soldier smashed his rifle butt into a Blue's head. "Hell, yeah," he cheered but then a sniper round hit him in the head and he collapsed. "Oh no…"

"Head shot!" the Blue sniper crowed before a rocket shot him off his feet. "Oh, you rocket-whore!"

Another Blue soldier took out the Red with the rocket-launcher and then took out two others. "Hey, I got some, you want some? I got some for you! Come on, you!"

Then he was taken out by another Red who ran off through the creek yelling, "The only good Blue is a dead Blue! Christ, that water's cold!"

Nearby, a Red and a Blue were standing on opposite sides of a rock and taking in turns to stand up, shoot at the enemy and then take cover again. But after a while, the Blue was hit with a grenade from behind.

"Weak!" the Red yelled at his teammate. "You took my kill!"

"I didn't see your name on it!" the other Red yelled but then he was shot by another Blue hiding behind a rock. "Oh, you fucking camping bitch!"

"It's a legitimate strategy!" the Blue camper yelled out as he ran off. As he stopped by another rock, a shot whizzed past him and he jumped back. "Whoa!"

"Damn," the Red scowled. He then realized that the shooting had stopped around him. "Hey, Blue, we're the only two left! Let's work together!"

"What do you mean?" the Blue camper asked.

"I'm coming out!"

"Okay, I'm coming out too!"

The last two standing met in the middle of the stream. "What did you mean we could work as a team?" the Blue asked.

In response, the Red slammed him in the face with the rifle, taking him out. "I bash you in the head with my rifle and you die," he explained. "Good teamwork, you fucking n00b." He then looked round and called out to no one in particular, "Good game, good game, everybody! GG man, GG!" Then he was hit by a stray shot and fell to the ground dead.

As silence fell in the canyon once more, Kratos stared at the carnage in shock and confusion. "I have no godly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell Tenebrae is! My only choice is to blame Wilder, for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Wilder…"

"I am so confused..." Genis said as he looked around, scratching his head. "Where is Castagnier? I need Castagnier to tell me what to think. He could handle this; he can handle anything!"

* * *

"Hey, asshole," Emil Castagnier yelled to the warders, rattling the bars of his cell. "For the last time, LET ME OUTTA THIS GODDAMN JAIL CELL!" Emil and Red Team member Zelos Wilder were trapped in a jail cell. They ended up on Emil's old area, Flanoir Island, and were captured by the Red team there.

"Yeah, let him out," Zelos agreed. "He's driving me nuts!"

"Oh shut up, Red." Emil snapped, glaring daggers at his cellmate. "Nobody asked you!"

Zelos sighed and shook his head. "I should never have listened to Presea's stupid fucking plan…"

* * *

Back in the nexus, Sheena decided to try and find the others, so she got to work on the nearest teleporter, using his newfound mechanical skills to get a trace on her team.

"Okay, let's see," she murmured as she worked through a tangle of wires with one hand and tapped on a console with the other. "If I wire this thing into that… maybe I could signal boost on that thing there… I might be able to get this to work."

As he pressed a wire on the component, the teleporter crackled and suddenly a voice called out, "Sage, Sage, keep them away from me!"

Sheena looked up and gasped. Through the doorway, she could see a fuzzy image of a great battle. Two soldiers were standing back to back, firing their guns at two advancing armies.

"Get that one!" one of the soldiers said. "And that one! No, no, the one with the limp. Get him!"

Sheena recognized the voice immediately. "Sarge, is that you?"

The Blue soldier meanwhile was firing in every direction, sometimes at the Reds and sometimes at the wall. "I don't want to kill… but, I don't want to die either!"

"Sage, can you hear me?" Sheena shouted.

Genis turned to Kratos. "Yes, I heard you."

"I didn't say anything, numbnuts," he retorted as he killed the last enemy then he sighed and turned to the dumb Blue. "Sage, we have to break this never-ending cycle of attack and retaliation, either by A) convincing the two sides to live in peace, or B) getting ourselves completely involved and kicking some serious ass! I vote B."

Sheena chuckled to herself. _That's Sarge…_

"I have a plan, Sergeant," Genis said. "But we will have to move quick. Listen…" He stepped up to Kratos and hissed, "Whisper, whisper, whisper… Do you think that will work?"

"That's your plan?" Kratos asked confused. "All you said was 'whisper, whisper, whisper'."

"I know," Genis admitted. "I just wanted to be the one with the plan for once."

Kratos let out a sigh. "Come on, I have an idea."

As Kratos and Genis ran off, Sheena got back to work on the teleporter with renewed hope. Now that she'd found Kratos, he needed to work quickly if he was to save him and Genis from that strange place…

* * *

Meanwhile, at a complex somewhere else in the galaxy, a soldier in brown armor was on patrol of the grounds outside… and getting more and more irritated by the second.

"This sucks, man," he murmured as he marched. "I have to do everything around here. 'Go guard the wall, Pietro'. 'Go paint the jeep, Pietro'. 'Go do everything, Pietro'. This sucks."

As he turned, a camouflaged figure jumped out of hiding and landed behind him. Pietro started at the soft thuds. "What was that?" He turned round, pistol drawn, but there was no one there.

"Nothing," Pietro sighed as he holstered his gun. "Just that stupid, sucky wind, breaking a twig, coming up behind me and… breathing, real heavy…" Slowly he turned the other direction and jumped at the white armored figure standing behind him. "What the…?"

"Hello there." the figure said before knocking him out.

Sometime later, Pietro awoke with an aching head, but he found he couldn't move his arms. As his vision cleared, he saw that he was tied up and the red haired, white soldier was pointing his own gun at him. "Oh man, this sucks," Pietro groaned. "What's going on?"

"Right, here's the way this works," the soldier explained. "I ask you a question, you tell me an answer. One question, one answer. I don't get the answer I like, we've got a problem. And if we've got a problem, you've got a problem. Is that clear?"

"Okay," Pietro whimpered. "Just don't hurt me, I'm a single parent!"

"Splendid, that's the attitude," the soldier beamed. "Now, first question: where are you hiding the plans?"

Suddenly, his cellphone started ringing to the tune of 'Enter Sandman' and the soldier cleared his throat. "Right, where are you hiding th-" But the ringing was too much. "Right, need to get that. One second…"

He turned round and answered the phone. "Hello? Yes, this is he speaking… Oh hello! Yes… Right… Oh ok… Uh, spell that for me… No, thought you said something else…"

Pietro shuffled uncomfortably behind him. "Getting bored…"

"No, I'll get right on it," the soldier continued. "Right, usual fee… He won't be a problem. No, I'll nip that one for you straight away… Right, say hello to mom for me. Goodbye…" He hung up and turned back to his prisoner. "Now, where were we? Ah yes… looks like it's your lucky day, mate."

"Oh, thank God!" Pietro sighed in relief.

But the soldier raised his borrowed gun again. "I don't have time torture you, so I'm just going to have to kill you."

Pietro gasped in horror. "Wha-Oh, man, this sucks!"

* * *

"Yeah, I'm gonna kill everybody!"

"Get the flag, get the flag, get the flag, get the fucking flag!"

"We must protect this house!" one Red screamed.

"We must protect this house!" the others echoed.

"We must protect this house! This is our house!"

Then one soldier glanced through the door to the flag room. "Um, guys, look, where's our flag?"

The others gasped and gathered in the room, staring at the spot where the flag used to be. "No!" "The flag is gone?" "What will we do?"

"If the flag is gone, who will lead us?" the Red Zealot called out. "Who will inspire us with their shiny pole? Who will flag directions to us in battle? We are lost, and the world as we knew it is gone forever in our eyes, only to live our memories as the days of salad and glory! Truly these are the end of times! REPENT! REPENT!"

The others stared at him in silence before one of them spoke. "This sucks, I'm leaving."

"Yeah," the others agreed.

So they ran out of the doors, with less enthusiasm than before. At the other Base, the Blues were also feeling low on spirit as they met their opponents in the middle of the canyon… where Kratos and Genis were waiting.

"Oh, Blue Team," Kratos called down as he waved the blue flag. "Look what I have!"

"Oh, Blue Team," Genis then shouted, holding the red flag. "Look what- wait, I messed up my line. Let's start over."

The two teams looked up and spotted Kratos and Genis standing on the ledge, waving their flags.

"They have our flag!" a Red soldier yelled.

"No they don't, they have our flag!" a Blue retorted.

"Listen, you morons," Kratos called down. "You're gonna work for us now."

"What's in it for us?" the first Red shouted.

"Help us get out of here, and we'll give you back your flags," Kratos explained. "Then you can go back to senselessly killing yourselves."

"Deal," the Red yelled out. "Ha, sucker!"

"Wait," one of the Blues cried. "Why don't we just kill you guys and take the flags back?"

"Hmm, yeah!" the Red agreed.

With a sigh, Kratos pulled out his pistol and shot the Blue right in the head.

"Oh, you got owned," another Red yelled. "I saw it, f***ing owned!"

The Blues then started to shout, "Teams! Teams! Teams!"

"Shut up," the Reds yelled back. "Teams are fine! Teams are fine! Teams are fine!"

And inevitably, the guns came out and the fighting started… again.

Kratos sighed and tossed the blue flag aside. "Genis… I give up."

"Wait," Genis cried, dumping the red flag on the ground. "I can make them listen. I can beat them!"

"Son, what are you talking about?" Kratos asked puzzled.

"Tenebrae taught me how to be mean…" Genis then closed his eyes and placed a hand on his head. "I just have to… concentrate on bad things… like… Milk! No wait, red… Red Bull!"

"Son, I think you've really lost it," Kratos muttered, shaking his head. "Tenebrae's not in your head anymore, he infected Yggy!"

"No, I can feel him," Genis grunted as he placed his other hand on his head. "I just need to get angry, and say mean things… like… uh… Your brain is a mountain of hatred!"

Kratos gave a rueful sigh. "I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually miss Wilder…" He sniffed loudly. "But here it is!"

By then, Genis was concentrating harder that he'd ever done before. His teeth were clenched so hard it could deflect bullets and his eyes were scrunched up tight. "Now, I am, thinking about… kittens! Guh, kit-tens, covered, in, spikes! That makes me ANGRY!"

At once, his eyes flicked open, revealing glowing red coals of anger, and with a mighty bestial roar, he jumped right off the ledge and landed on the ground with such force it actually cracked underfoot. Immediately, the two armies stopped fighting and spun round to face this terrifying figure standing amongst them. "My name is Genis A. Sage!" he growled with a face like the darkest storms. "And I hate babies!"

"It's the Beast!" the Red Zealot screamed in terror. "The Anti-Flag come to live among us and rule us for seven years! The end is nigh!"

But Genis cut his ranting short as he punched him in the face. Then he took out a Blue then another Red then another Blue then he grabbed the last guy's sniper and started gunning down the others.

Kratos stared at the sight in horror. "Great Gustavo, what's going on down there?"

Just then, a voice called out from behind him. "Sarge, Sage, can you hear me?"

Kratos turned round to see a ghostly green figure standing before him, but he knew the voice at once. "Fujibayashi 2.0!"

Sheena nodded in confirmation. "I reconfigured the teleporter to allow me communicate with you. I need to get you guys outta there."

"Damn right we need to get outta here," Kratos agreed.

"Get to the teleporter," Sheena instructed. "I'll see what I can do from here."

"Okay!" Kratos nodded and turned to leave.

"And, sir?"

"Yeah?"

Sheena smiled. "It's really great to see you again."

"Oh, kiss my ass some other time." Kratos responded.

"Whatever you say, Sir." Sheena said as she disappeared.

Kratos climbed down the ladder just as Genis finished off the last soldier and ran towards the Blue Base. "Come on, Sage, before they wake up again!"

"I will eat your unhappiness!" Genis yelled as he followed.

They arrived at the teleporter just as the Reveille started up again. "Come on, hurry up!" Kratos called out.

"Just give me a few more seconds over here." Sheena's voice called through the doorway.

"We don't have a few more seconds!" Kratos bellowed.

"Stop pressuring me! I rely on you for love and support!"

Genis meanwhile was still searching for the enemy. "Your toast has been burned, and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts!"

"Oh, shut up, Sage." Kratos snapped.

Behind them, the cheering started again but Sheena then called out, "Okay there, come through now!"

"Come on, Sage!" Kratos shoved the possessed Blue through the doorway and jumped in after him, seconds before the two armies ran round the corner.

At the nexus, Sheena watched as Genis stumbled forward to the floor and Kratos appeared moments later. "Phew," the maroon Spartan sighed. "That was pretty close, huh?"

Kratos stopped for a moment to catch his breath. "Fujibayashi, you get an F in efficiency…" he said as he leaned on the wall, but added with a smile. "But I have to give an A+ in dramatic timing."

"Thank you, sir," Sheena replied, rubbing her fist on her armor before glancing at her fingers. "I've always felt that presentation is what matters most."

Just then, Genis groaned and sat up, rubbing his head. "What happened?" he muttered hoarsely. "The last thing I remember was a very mean kitten… and then we were in the janitor's closet, and my throat hurts… a lot."

Sheena glanced through the doorway at the gathered armies. "What was that weird place?"

"I have absolutely no idea." Kratos replied slowly as he led them away from the teleporter.

* * *

"Well, I guess it's back to basics now!" the Reds' leader shouted at their enemies. "Get ready for destructions, Blues! We're gonna kick your ass! We have become Death, Destroyer of wo-" He suddenly stopped and looked round. "Oh wait, I gotta take out the trash. I'll be right back…"

* * *

_**Season 3 has begun. Ok just because I don't want to get a bunch of weird questions, I'm going to sum a couple things up. As far as Emil and Marta go, yes they're in robot bodies, but I'm gonna be writing this like they have regular flesh bodies. Aska's Spanish, intentionally fucked up. Anything else, well I'll see where my mind goes with this. Until then, Hasta luego, cockbites!**_


	2. New Freelancer

Chapter 2

New Freelancer

On an icy precipice on Flanoir Island, Mithos/Tenebrae stood and observed the fields below. Behind him, Aska stood in stoic silence. Tenebrae turned to look at his new lackey. With the unexpected head start he'd gotten on the Reds and the Blues, he was able to reprogram Aska's loyalty chip as well as a few other alterations and now he was preparing his next phase of his evil plot.

**"Muahahahahahaaaa!"** Tenebrae chuckled evilly. "**Well, my metallic friend, your modifications are complete, and my plan is coming to frution… Frusi- Fru- Fruitition. Fr-"**

"Fruition," Aska said helpfully.

**"Oh shut up,"** Tenebrae scowled.

"Sí Maestro. Su plané es muy excelente." (Yes, Master. Your plan is foolproof.)

**"Now to bring together my enemies!"** Tenebrae chortled and he switched on his radio-phone.

* * *

Elsewhere, Botta, the radio operator of whichever Command he's working for, was settling down with a nice cup of tea when the phone on his console began to ring. "Oh, dude, come on," he sighed. "You gotta be kidding me."

The screen showed the call was 'Out of Area' so he sat back and let the answering machine get it. "Hey dude, it's Botta. No solo mia, not in the casa right now, so leave a message and I'll call you back. Just leave your what's up at the yo… … Yo."

Then an evil voice called out, **"Botta, pick up. It's me! Muahahahahaaa!"**

At once, Botta took over. "Oh hey, Mister Baron von Evil Satan, what's up dude?"

**"Don't screen my calls, Botta!"** Tenebrae snapped.

"Dude, you don't come up on Caller ID," Botta replied gruffly. "I'm not just gonna answer anything-"

**"Caller ID?"** Tenebrae cried out. **"I'm in hiding, you buffoon! I'm trying to take over the Universe! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"**

"We're also on the Do Not Call list," Mithos added.

**"Oh shut up!"**

Botta laughed at this slight schizophrenic moment. "So how's that evil plot going, dude?"

**"Magnificent,"** Tenebrae laughed. **"I've called my bounty hunter in. He'll take care of your little 'Red and Blue' problem post-haste! MUAHAHAHAHAAAA!"**

"Oh cool!" Botta shouted over the evil AI's laughter. "Thanks for turning that around so quick, dude. I know you're swamped."

**"Then the Universe will be mine, and I'll crush every living soul into dust! HAHAHAHAAA!"** Tenebrae then cleared his throat and added, **"Except for you, of course, Botta… I'll make you Assistant Crusher."**

"Okay, dude," Botta muttered in relief as he sipped his tea. "Looking forward to that."

* * *

Meanwhile in the teleporter nexus, Sheena quickly explained to Kratos and Genis about this place and how he was able to reprogram the teleporter that led to Battle Creek. "…And that brought you back here. So, theoretically, one of these teleporters should transport us back to Blood Gulch or anywhere else that we want to go. Do you understand?"

Kratos nodded but Genis still looked confused. "Yes… No… What does thermoretically mean?"

Sheena sighed and rolled her eyes. "I probably could have saved a lot of time by telling you these things worked by magic."

"I thought you told the story well," Genis complimented. "I liked all the parts with me in them."

Kratos quickly got back on topic. "Any idea which ones go where?"

"Um, not really," Sheena admitted, rubbing the back of her neck. "I found you two guys by accident. And I don't want to start using teleporters at random."

Genis looked around the corridor and made a decision. "We should definitely take the green one."

"Okay, be quiet now," Sheena ordered.

"We've gotta find a way to contact them!" Kratos yelled, slapping his fist in his hand.

Just then, the radio in his ear crackled. "Come in, Sergeant Dude," a voice called out. "Hello, Sergeant Dude, are you there?"

Kratos activated his radio. "Botta?"

"Got some big news for you, dude," Botta replied.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Blood Gulch, Presea and Marta were able to fix the worst of Lloyd's injuries. Marta stepped away to check a notification she had gotten on her phone. After seeing it, she made a grim expression and walked back to the two soldiers. "Bad news, Irving," she told him. "I just picked up a feed. You've been tagged."

"Tagged?" Lloyd cried out. "That sounds bad… Unless it means something sexual, does it mean something sexual?"

"It means something bad," she replied.

"Oh yeah, like that's a surprise," Lloyd sighed.

"Someone's hired a Freelancer to take you out," Marta explained. "Do you have any idea why?"

Lloyd knew full well why, but didn't want to tell. "...I can't say," he replied with a shrug.

Marta walked right up to him. "Keeping secrets? I find that attractive."

Lloyd gulped nervously. "You do?"

"In attractive people, yeah," she replied.

"Do you know who's after him?" Presea asked.

Marta nodded. "This guy I know from training. His name's Sybak."

Lloyd burst out laughing. "Finally, a name dumber than Combatir!"

"Hey!" the pink private shouted but then she sighed. "Yeah, okay."

"Well his real name's Richter, but everybody in the division was paired with an AI and codenamed for a Sylvaranti or Tethe'allan City, so we all went by those names most of the time." Marta explained.

"What was your codename, Lu?" Presea asked curiously.

"Izoold." she replied with some sarcasm.

"One for each city?" Lloyd asked. "So there are 17 of you."

"16," Marta corrected. "Remember?"

"Oh yeah, that's right," Lloyd muttered. "Man… Poor Heimdall …" The three bowed their heads in remembrance of the fallen city then looked up again. "Okay, anyway…"

"Well, I'll make you a deal," Marta bargained. "I still owe you one. So if I take care of Sybak, we're square, deal?"

Lloyd folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. "You realize that you wanna protect me from a guy who's trying to kill me. What am I gonna say, no?"

"I'll take that as a yes," she smiled.

* * *

Back in the nexus, Kratos suddenly had a brilliant idea. "Eureka's hammer, I've got it! I put a listening device in one of the suits of armor I built. We can use that to find out where they are."

"But which one, Sarge?" Sheena asked nervously. "Isn't one a huge bomb?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't turn that on." Kratos chuckled but then he had a thought. "Or maybe I should. That way, we could follow the enormous explosion and huge plumes of smoke directly to them. It'd be like a homing beacon but Indian style."

"I assume what you mean, sir, is directly to the crater that they left." Sheena pointed out.

"Though crudely delivered, I see your point." Kratos sighed. "Let's go with the listening device."

"Great idea, sir," Sheena replied loyally.

"Yes it was." Kratos then pulled off a small remote from his belt and held it up. It had two large red buttons on it, one labeled 'Francisco Montague Zanzibar' and the other 'Robot #2'.

"Can I push the button to make it go, please?" Genis asked in the voice of an eager child.

"Okay, Sage, but just this once." Kratos replied, pointing to the button with Zanzibar's name on.

"WOOHOO! Thanks." Genis squealed and pressed the button.

"What a little rascal." Kratos chuckled.

Genis turned to Sheena with a smile. "I pushed the button."

"Stay away from him, he's mine." Sheena growled through gritted teeth.

Just then, a slightly voice issued through their radios. "Man, I hate this. This sucks."

"It's Castagnier!" Genis cried out.

"I just wanna lay around and do nothing," the voice continued.

"I think it's Zelos!" Sheena shouted.

"Right after I take this nice, warm bubble-bath." the voice finished.

Kratos and Sheena nodded to each other knowingly. "Presea."

"Let me see if I can lock on to that signal…" Sheena knelt next to the teleporter and did some quick typing before calling out, "Okay, got it. Go ahead."

Kratos activated his radio. "Come in, Combatir, come in. Combatir, do you read me? Come in."

"Sarge," she called out in relief. "You gotta help me! You left me with one Blue, but now there are three!"

Kratos gasped in horror. "Botta was right; it was a trap all along!" He got back on the radio. "Listen, Combatir, Botta told me all about the Blue plot. That fella Irving is gonna make up things, craaazy things about Red and Blue. You can't listen to him, you just can't!"

Presea gulped in alarm. "Sarge, what should I do?"

"Don't let him catch on that you know," Kratos advised. "Just act like you normally do- Wait, not like you, act like someone more brave, and smarter, and tougher, for God's sake!"

"Okey-dokey!" she replied and the line went dead.

Kratos sighed and turned to his favorite private. "She's a dead girl, Fujibayashi."

"It's okay, sir," Sheena reassured. "I thought that you two were getting too close anyway, and that's not good for the chain of command."

Kratos nodded glumly then perked up again. "Try to open a teleporter to them. I'll see if I can locate the others."

With a smile, Genis snatched the remote from Kratos's hand. "Yeah, more button pushing!"

"Wait, don't touch that!" Kratos warned.

But Genis was too pleased to listen. "This is the button to find Castagnier!" he cheered and he slammed his hand down on the 'Robot #2' button.

"Uh oh," Kratos gulped. "That's not gonna be good."

Sheena looked up from her work in alarm. "Did he just do what I think he did?"

Genis was grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "Church is going to be so happy with me!"

* * *

At that moment, at the Red Base's prison on Sidewinder, the two lone inmates were sitting in silence when Emil suddenly gave an all-mighty, earth-shaking belch.

"Nice," Zelos chuckled. "I bet I can beat it."

"Uh, whoa," Emil grunted as he patted his stomach which had suddenly started to tick. "I wonder what caused that."

"Hey, dude," Zelos muttered worryingly. "Do you know that your stomach is ticking?"

As the ticking continued in Emil's stomach, counting down the minutes before the bomb went off, Zelos went into a panic and started rattling the bars of their cell. "Guys, I'm a Red too, I'm a Red!" he yelled out to the impassive salmon-colored guard. "I don't even know this guy. Come on, let me out of here!"

"Thanks for the support, Zelos," Emil sighed irritably. "Way to be a team player."

"Hey, I gotta think about myself here," Zelos retorted.

"There's no 'I' in team, Zelos," Emil snapped.

"Yeah, there's no 'U' either," Zelos argued. "So I guess if I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team, nobody's on the God damn team! The team sucks!" He kicked the bars in anger but only succeeded in hurting his foot.

Emil then stepped forward and looked through the bars at their guard. "What I can't figure out is why the Reds are still here. Marta already wiped out the Blues. Why wouldn't they just pull out?"

Zelos sighed and sat back on the floor. "As someone who's taken orders from Red Command for the last three years, trust me, it's not that surprising."

* * *

Back at the nexus, Sheena came back from her work on the teleporter. "Okay, we traced the bomb activation signal back to Flanoir Island. How much time do we have left, Sarge?"

"Everyone here is set to transport," Presea informed them over the radios.

"I'm not going through that thing," Lloyd said suspiciously. "I'm serious."

"We need to get their as soon as possible," Kratos replied. "Did you set their teleporter to take them straight to Flanoir Island?"

"I walked Presea through it," Sheena answered with an unsure look on her face. "She says she did everything right, but I figure they have a fifty-fifty chance of ending up in Flanoir Island or in the middle of deep space."

"What about us?" Kratos asked nervously.

"I programmed ours myself." Sheena reassured. "We're fine."

"I find the risks acceptable," Kratos replied.

Presea then spoke up again. "I never knew a Philips screwdriver was the X one. Do you think it's named after a guy named Philip? That guy Philip must have a fucked-up-shaped head!"

"Yeah, screw this," Lloyd groaned. "I'm walking."

"Alright, then saddle up!" Kratos yelled as he cocked his shotgun. "Don't worry, Wilder and Castagnier, here comes the cavalry!" With a great shout, he charged into the teleporter… and popped out of another teleporter behind Sheena and Genis. "Oh."

"Uh, sir? The teleporter I reprogrammed is over there." Sheena pointed to her left.

"Oh," Kratos muttered sheepishly. "Well, heads up, evil-doers! Here we come to save the- ah, forget it, let's just go." And they set off into the teleporter.

* * *

Back at the Reds' prison, unaware of their teams coming to rescue them, Emil was laying down on the bed resting his eyes while Zelos leaned on the wall, singing to himself. "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen… Nobody knows but Jesus…"

"Will you shut up?" Emil opened one eye in annoyance.

Zelos looked over indignantly. "You just can't face the fact that I've adjusted to life on the inside! I'm hard now!"

"Please," Emil sighed. "Give me a break."

"As the prison bitch, I would not expect you to understand."

Emil was about to argue when suddenly the sounds of a great firefight echoed down the passageway. "What's going on out there?" he stood up and walked to the bars

"Oh man, maybe our crews' come to bust us out of the joint!" Zelos cheered. "I don't know if I can live on the outside though anymore, Emil. I'm all institutionalized and shit."

"I don't know," Emil muttered as he peered through the bars. "Sounds like whoever's fighting them is winning. That can't possibly be our guys."

Zelos then turned to the guard standing nearby. "Hey screw, aren't you gonna go help your buddies, oink, oink?"

The guard scowled at Zelos and ran down the passage but then he was grabbed in an invisible arm lock and throttled before falling to the ground dead. Then loud footsteps echoed through the passage for a while and then a soldier dressed in armor as white as the driven snow appeared in front of the cell. "Hello, Castagnier" he said.

"Sybak?!" Emil gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"Been hired to do a job on your little friend Irving," he explained curtly. "It seems he's discovered some information that someone else isn't happy about."

"Who's this cracker?" Zelos asked, glaring at Sybak.

"Pft, he's just some scumbag bounty hunter that was in the same division as Marta," Emil replied crossly.

"Ah yes, dear ol' Lu," Sybak chuckled, rubbing his chin in the manner of a movie villain. "After I take care of your little friend Irving, I'll be taking care of her as well."

Emil glared with nothing but pure malice as he clenched his fists on the bars and made his voice cold. "When I get out of here-"

"But you won't," Sybak cut him off. "Everyone here is dead now. No one even knows where you are. So I suppose you'll just have to starve to death." And he walked out of the passageway with a deep hearted chortle.

"We gotta find a way to escape, Zelos," Emil said urgently.

Zelos nodded. "If only we had bed sheets…"

"There's no window," Emil pointed out. "What good is tying bed sheets gonna do us?"

"Who said anything about tying them together?" Zelos asked puzzled. "I wanna take a nap. If I have to die of hunger, I wanna do it in my sleep."

* * *

At that moment, back at the Red Base in Blood Gulch, Presea had received word that Kratos, Sheena and Genis had arrived safely at Sidewinder and now she, Lloyd and Marta were preparing for their transport.

"Good luck, everyone, take care," Luna called up to them. "I packed you all lunches for the trip."

"Thanks, Luna," Lloyd said kindly. "That was really nice of you."

"Not really," Presea muttered, holding up a small component. "All my bag had was an air filter and a thermos full of brake fluid."

As Marta jumped into the teleporter, Luna said her goodbyes. "Make sure to wash your exhaust pipes every day."

"Bye, Luna!" Lloyd called out as Presea ran in. "We'll come back for you soon."

"I'll be waiting." Sheila promised as Lloyd followed the others.

* * *

In the abandoned Blue Base on Flanoir Island, Kratos, Genis and Sheena stood by the teleporter receptacle, waiting for the others. Just then, the receptacle began to flash. "Okay, here they come," Sheena called out.

First to emerge was Marta who gave a quick hug to Genis and stood with them. She was closely followed by Presea who looked very pleased with herself. "Yeah-ha, I knew I could fix a teleporter. I guess these hands aren't just for manicuring after all. Ha-ha!" She high-fived Sheena and joined them.

Finally, Lloyd, covered in black ash, emerged from the teleporter. "OWWWW! Crap!"

Sheena stared in confusion. "What's all that black shit on your armor?"

The blackened Lloyd stared at himself then at Presea. "Just me? What the fuck?"

Genis ran up and hugged his teammate, getting black stuff on himself in the process. "Irving, I am so glad to see you!" He then pulled out his cleaning chamois. "Come on dude, let me help you clean your armor off."

Lloyd nodded gratefully and they stepped outside.

"Ooh, ooh, let me help," Presea offered, running after them.

"Absolutely, Admiral Buttercrust," Genis replied.

On a cliff overlooking the receptacle, Sybak peered through his sniper scope and spotted Lloyd run outside, followed by Genis and Presea. "Hmmm, I don't see him," he muttered, failing to recognize Lloyd in his blackened armor. "Perhaps they've disguised him somehow… well played."

Down below, Marta looked up, spotted the white bounty hunter and smiled to herself. "Gotcha…"

Sheena meanwhile turned to her CO. "So what's the plan, Sarge?"

"First we need to locate Castagnier and get that bomb defused," Kratos replied. "Then we can find Aska, download the plans, and get back to fighting the Blues."

"And find Zelos," Sheena added.

"What?"

"And we also need to find Zelos, right sir?" Sheena repeated.

Kratos gave a begrudging moan. "Well, not every plan is perfect, so… I suppose we could accidentally find Wilder along the way."

* * *

Back in the jail, Emil turned to Zelos and gave a serious look. "Okay, Zelos, I've been putting something off that I can do to help us escape, but I gotta warn you, it might scare you a bit."

"You want scary, you should try showering in Cellblock C," Zelos said, giving a shudder and an uncomfortable shrug of his shoulders. "Those guys are animals."

"Alright, here goes…" But as Emil was speaking, the bars of their cell suddenly rose up into the ceiling, opening the way out.

Zelos stared in disbelief. "You opened the doors? That wasn't scary at all."

"What? I didn't do that," Emil stammered. "Somebody on the outside must have done it." Emil ran and grabbed his weapons, with Zelos following suit. "Alright, let's go!"

"Freedom, it smells so sweet!" Zelos cheered as they ran out of the Base. "Let's go rob a liquor store on the way home."

* * *

Meanwhile, Genis and Presea had just finished wiping Lloyd's armor down. "There, you're all clean," Genis declared.

"Thanks," Lloyd replied gratefully then he looked at the pink private. "But you didn't need to spend so much time on the codpiece, Presea."

Presea just smiled as she put away her jar of polish. "A three-coat waxing is just my way of saying I care."

* * *

Up on the cliffs, Sybak let out a smile as the clean Lloyd stepped away from the others. "Well, there we are," he purred as he set his sights on the teal soldier.

"Hello, Richter," a cold female voice called out behind him. he turned to see Marta standing behind him, aiming her assault rifle at point blank range. "Why don't you stop pointing that sniper rifle at my friend?"

"Marta, good to see you," Richter cried as if he was greeting an old friend. "How's our good friend, the Omega?"

"You tell me," Marta smirked. "He hired you, didn't he?"

Richter raised an eyebrow indifferently. "Now how did you know that?"

"When someone lives in your head for a few years, you get to know him," Marta replied, tapping the side of her temple. "Now where is he?"

Richter let out a grin. "Oh he'll be along shortly…" Just then, Marta heard the sound of a shotgun being cocked right next to her head. "Very shortly."

Marta whirled her head round and saw the possessed, black-eyed Mithos pointing his shotgun right at her head. "Oh crap," she groaned as she dropped her weapon.

Tenebrae let out a sinister laugh. **"Only now do you realize the folly of your idle chit-chat! EVIL WINS! Hahahahahaaaa! Good sucks an egg!"**

As Richter grabbed Marta from behind, Mithos suddenly took control again for a brief moment, "I'm really sorry about this, sir- I mean ma'am- I mean miss!" before Tenebrae came back. **"Oh shut up!"**


	3. Time Travel

Chapter 3

Time Travel

As the Red and Blue teams made their way across the snowy fields towards the Red Base, a sudden sinister laughter brought them to a stop. They looked up to see Mithos/Tenebrae and Aska standing on a cliff.

**"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"** Tenebrae's voice called out. **"You fools have fallen right into my trap! Only now do you realize the folly of your follies! Prepare for an oblivion, for which there is no preparation! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"**

At once, the two armies raised their weapons up to the possessed medic. "Tenebrae, the Reds and Blues are working together now!" Sheena called up. "You can't hope to beat us!"

**"You fool!" **Tenebrae retorted. **"My metallic friend is the only ally I need. Aska, activate weather control routines!"**

"Okay." Aska replied as he raised his arms. At once, his body began to glow and two beams of light shot out from his hands into the sky. Lightning flashed from the robot as the clouds rolled in and he was surrounded by strange mystic runes.

Sheena gasped in amazement. "Are those runic symbols a sign of some ancient technology?"

"No, I used to draw them in my binder during study hall," Mithos called out. "I always wanted to use them for something. Aren't they cool?"

**"Shut up!" **Tenebrae snapped.

"Oh, Sampson's back hair, they found our secret weapon!" Kratos cried out. As the wind began to pick up, he quickly explained to Lloyd and Genis, "I developed a weather control device, but I was missing one critical piece of technology to make it work."

**"Hahaha, yes,"** Tenebrae chuckled. **"And now that I've located those 'D' batteries, the Universe will be mine! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"**

"Are you serious?" Lloyd cried out in disbelief. "You couldn't find D batteries."

"Only at gas stations," Kratos replied sheepishly. "And they're just so darn expensive there."

Just then, a loud ticking faded in and everyone turned to see Emil running up, a look of worry on his face. "What's going on?"

"You want the long version or the short?" Kratos asked. "Basically, you've got a fifty megaton bomb in your gut-"

"Ten, sir," Sheena corrected.

"And Aska is about to kill us all," Kratos finished.

"That didn't make any sense," Emil said, scratching his head in confusion. "What's the long version?"

"That was the long version," Lloyd yelled. "The short version is 'we're boned!'"

As lightning flashed across the sky, Zelos arrived and Sheena went to join her puffing orange teammate. "Hey, Zelos, are you okay?"

"I've done hard time, Sheena," Zelos panted. "I'm not the man you used to know."

Sheena looked puzzled. "Hard time? We were only separated for five hours."

"Time moves slower on the inside, Sheena." Zelos explained. "It seemed like seven or eight hours to me."

Suddenly, a rocket shot over their heads and hit the ground behind them, making the teams scatter in all directions.

**"You foolish fools will never defeat me!" **Tenebrae jeered as he hefted the rocket launcher. **"You're far too busy being foolish! HAHAHAHAAA! Oblivion is at hand!"**

As Tenebrae kept firing the rocket launcher, Genis and Presea ran towards some trees, Lloyd and Emil dived for a nearby snowdrift and Kratos and Zelos dashed behind a rock while Sheena scurried across the field, calling out, "Sarge, I have an idea, but I need you to distract him!"

"Will do!" Kratos called out then he turned to the orange soldier next to him. "Wilder, I never believed in you, not even for a moment, but now is your chance to prove yourself… to me."

"What can I do, sir?" Zelos asked.

"I need you to run right at Tenebrae," Kratos began.

"And shank him with my shiv?" Zelos interrupted hopefully.

"No," Kratos retorted. "When he blows you up with the rocket, try to see if you can get your dismembered limbs and guts to clog the barrels of his rocket launcher."

Zelos stared in horror. "You're kidding."

"It's a remote chance, I know," Kratos agreed. "But it's worth a shot."

**"OOOOOOBLIVION IS AT HAND! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" **They had just noticed Tenebrae with the rocket launcher right behind them, pointed directly at them.

"Cover your ears, guys," Mithos's voice called out. "This thing is really loud!"

"This is it!" Zelos yelped as he grabbed his CO tight and closed his eyes.

"Not so fast, Tenebrae!" Sheena's voice called out. The possessed medic turned round to see the maroon soldier standing in the middle of the field, a remote control in her hand. "Maybe we can't stop you, but I know who can!"

Sheena pressed the button on the remote and a glowing green doorway appeared next to her. Seconds later, the two Battle Creek armies came charging through it, cheering and shouting, "Alright, new level, yeah! Woohooo!"

"Hey, guys!" Sheena called out, attracting their attention. "You want your flag? He's the one that has it!" He pointed to Tenebrae who gulped in worry.

"The crusade has begun!" the Red Zealot yelled out. "Our hour of glory is at hand! Let all who would stand against us be washed in our divine light!"

As the two armies charged forward whooping and firing their weapons, Tenebrae dropped his rocket launcher and ran for his life. **"Get away from me! No! Get out! OWWW!"**

Sheena ran up to Kratos and Zelos and grabbed the rocket launcher. "We need to disarm Castagnier's bomb, Sarge."

"Right," Kratos agreed.

But as they, Genis and Presea ran towards Emil and Lloyd's hiding place, a bolt of lightning shot out of Aska's body and struck the Blue leader right in the crotch. "YEEEHAHAHAOOOOWWW!"

Just then Kratos and the others ran up to him. "Hold still, son, this'll just take a second."

He knelt down and carefully pulled off Emil's codpiece, making the Blue leader sigh in dismay. "Don't you ever install anything above the waist?"

Once the codpiece was off, Kratos located the timer of the bomb which showed they had sixty seconds left and he quickly hit the off button… and then again… but nothing happened. "Oh no!" he yelled as he jumped to his feet. "That last lightning bolt fused the detonator! There's no way to turn this thing off!"

"Can't you do it manually?!" Emil and Sheena asked.

"Impossible," Kratos replied. "I specifically designed it so that I wouldn't be able to defuse it."

"Why?!" Zelos cried out.

"In case I fell in to the wrong hands and was brainwashed to help the Blues," Kratos explained.

"Nice thinking, sir," Sheena said loyally.

Zelos just scowled at her. "You had to get just one last ass-kiss in before we die, didn't you?"

Lloyd snatched the rocket launcher from Sheena's hands and pointed it at his leader. "Castagnier, there's only one thing I can do."

"Hey, what the hell?" Emil cried out, taking a step back.

"There's only twenty seconds left!" Sheena yelled.

"If I blow you up before the bomb goes off, there's at least a small chance the rest of us will live," Lloyd explained.

"But the rocket will kill me!" Emil shouted.

"Ten seconds!"

"You're gonna die anyway when the bomb goes off!" Zelos screamed.

Emil just shrugged. "What can I tell you, pal? Misery loves company."

"Five seconds!"

Lloyd sighed as he loaded the rocket launcher and pointed it at his teammate. "Sorry, dude."

"Man this blows," Emil scowled. "You guys suck."

Suddenly, a shot rang out and the rocket launcher was ripped right out of Lloyd's hands. "What the hell?"

Everybody looked up to see Richter standing on an icy peak, holding a smoking sniper rifle in his hands. "Sorry, Private Irving, but I always get my man." He pointed his gun at Lloyd's head. "Say goodbye, mate."

Just then, a loud bleeping noise rang out and Sheena gulped in alarm. "Uh guys, I hate to interrupt but… zero seconds."

All eyes turned to Emil as the bleeping grew louder, faster and higher in pitch. "Uh oh," Lloyd murmured.

"What?" Emil asked before he felt a strange grumbling feeling in his stomach. "Oh, son of a-"

_**KABOOOOOOOOMMMMM!**_

* * *

As the light faded, Lloyd suddenly found himself in a strange glowing tunnel and he saw the others flying alongside him.

"What the…?" Sheena muttered.

"The bomb must have gone off," Kratos guessed.

Zelos looked around in confusion. "Where are we? Are we dead?"

"I don't want to be dead!" Genis called out. "I want to be alive, or a cowboy."

"Dead? Oh man," Presea cried. "Tomorrow was all you can eat day at the chow hall, and I wanted to eat all I could."

"We're not dead, idiots," Kratos yelled. "We're stuck in some kind of temporal… whoa no! Heads up boys, prepare for impact!"

Then Lloyd felt himself falling for a while before he hit the ground and knew nothing more…

* * *

With a loud groan, Lloyd slowly opened his eyes, and just by looking at the sky, he knew he wasn't on Flanoir Island or Blood Gulch. The clouds were a bruised red and the sun was a darker yellow than the one over Blood Gulch. "Ohhhhh," he moaned. "What happened?"

Just then, a figure in polished pink armor appeared in his blurred vision. "Hey, he's awake," she cried out in Presea's voice.

Then Lloyd heard Zelos' and Sheena's voice arguing nearby. "I still wanna know why I don't get a laser gun." Zelos muttered.

"Shut up, dumbass." Sheena retorted.

"Guys, Lloyd's awake." Presea called out.

"Huh?" Sheena came forward, wearing glossy maroon armor. "Hey, hey, hey, take it easy, Lloyd. You've been out for a while."

"And I thought I was lazy," Zelos muttered as he looked down.

Slowly, Lloyd sat up and stared at the gathered figures. "W-W-What's going on? Who are you people?" It took him a second before he realized who they were, as somehow, they looked a bit different. Aside from the shiny new armor, Sheena's hair had grown some past her shoulders, and looked like she had gotten slightly taller. Zelos was relatively the same, while Presea's hair was no longer in pigtails, and now reached about halfway down, looking exactly the same when she first joined the Reds, though her hair was still colored pink.

"He has amnesia! Lloyd, don't worry, you are safe. We're the Reds; we are your mortal enemies… Wait, that didn't sound right." Presea said.

Just then, a shiny blue-armored figure ran up and grabbed the teal soldier in a hug. "Irving! I am so glad you are alive."

Lloyd pulled out of the hug and stared at the figure. "Genis? Still so dumb, but you look so different." Genis had actually gotten taller, just about matching Lloyd, and even had some muscle now.

"We're in the future," Genis cried out, holding his arms out. "Things are very shiny here."

"The future?" Lloyd sighed as he rubbed his head. "Oh, I can't fucking wait to hear this one."

At that moment, Kratos came round the corner, his red armor not quite as shiny as the others and covered in dents and scratches. "Obviously Aska's weather matrix combined with the power of the bomb to create an explosion so large, it caused a temporal rift in time that cascaded throughout the blo-"

"Whoa, whoa, wait a second, wait a second," Lloyd interrupted as his head started to hurt. "I don't understand."

"Sarge, can we do the skit now?" Presea cried out eagerly.

"Yeah!" Genis cheered.

"Yes," Sheena agreed.

Zelos shook his head. "I don't wanna do that dumb skit."

"Fine," Kratos sighed. "But only because I wanna see Wilder be miserable… I miss the old days."

"Great!" Presea cried out. "Places everyone!"

As Lloyd watched the others run towards a nearby rocky clearing, Presea cleared her throat and spoke in a deep voice. "The Red vs. Blue Players present: A Presea Combatir play. Written and directed by Presea Combatir, in association with Light Red Danish Productions."

"Can we just start?" Kratos yelled impatiently.

Lloyd turned towards the clearing as Kratos, Zelos and Sheena stood in a row and Presea stood some distance away. "Annnnd, action!"

"Hello, weary traveler," Sheena said calmly. "We represent the timeline."

Kratos stepped forwards. "I am the past, where things cost less and people knew the value of a hard day's work, but they only lived to be twenty-eight years old."

Sheena then came forward. "And I am the future, where people have no morals and no emotions, but we have a bunch of kickass gadgets!"

"And I'm the present which sucks," Zelos said sulkily. "We have nothing cool and also no morals."

"And I am the helpful narrator," Presea added. "A faceless voice used by poor writers."

"You have a face." Lloyd muttered.

"Shut up, audience, you're ruining my play," Presea snapped before retaining decorum. "Everything was fine in the timeline, until one day, in the present…"

"Why does bad stuff always happen in the present?" Zelos asked.

"Because that when people do stuff," Presea growled.

"Ah, quit your bitching," Kratos cut in. "I have atrocities and a crapload of wars that seemed very important at the time, but now seem trivial and stupid."

"Yeah, and I've got apocalypse," Sheena agreed. "That's way worse than anything you two dipshits have." She became aware of Kratos staring in amazement at her and hastily added, "Sorry, sir. That dipshit was in character."

"Oh," Kratos realized. "Well, bravo, Fujibayashi."

Presea continued his narration. "One day, in the present, a terrible thing happened."

Genis then walked onto the stage. "Enter Stage Left," he said before taking a bow. "Hello, I am stupid Private Irving. I am going to set off a big bomb now, and totally mess things up for everyone, because I am stupid." He then turned to face Zelos. "Turns around... Hello, present. I am going to set off a bomb in you."

"Don't do that, stupid Private Irving," Zelos cried out. "That might kill me."

Genis looked thoughtful. "Thinks about this for a moment…"

"Genis, stop reading your stage directions," Presea yelled out.

Genis turned to glare at Presea. "You told me I was supposed to read anything with my name in front of it."

"Just the lines, not the blocking," Presea argued. "You're ruining my big debut!"

"I do not think we are meshing artistically," Genis retorted, folding his arms. "I think you should talk to my agent."

"This is stupid," Zelos shouted as he walked off the stage. "I quit."

"You can't quit," Presea yelled. "End scene! This has been a Presea Combatir joint."

With the skit over, Kratos stepped forward and helped Lloyd get to his feet. "Listen, son," he explained in simple terms. "You and your buddy Castagnier set off a bomb which, when combined with the weather machinery in Aska, made an explosion so large it destroyed the present."

"Destroyed the present…" Lloyd couldn't believe his ears. "Then where are we?"

"We're in the future, numbnuts," Sheena replied angrily.

"Aren't we in the present right now?" Lloyd asked. "Aren't we always in the present?"

"Unbelievable," Sheena sighed. "He can't cope with the loss. He's in denial."

"That is so sad," Zelos muttered, shaking his head.

"Son, you're just not listening," Kratos reasoned. "The present has been destroyed. It no longer exists. We are in the future."

Lloyd grabbed his pounding head and yelled out, "AHHHHH! It makes no sense!"

"I'm currently working on a short film to explain it," Presea said helpfully. "Tom Cruise has the script, and I hear he's verrry interested."

Lloyd shook his head in disbelief. "You're telling me a bomb sent us into the future."

"Yeah," Sheena replied. "You see, luckily Castagnier was facing forward when the bomb went off, and we were standing in front of him. So that sent us forward into the future."

"Of course he was facing forward," Lloyd scowled. "What other way can people face?"

"You see?" Sheena exclaimed. "That's what I meant by luckily."

Lloyd then realized that someone was missing. "What happened to him anyway?"

"Hmm," Kratos muttered. "Never really thought about him."

"Yeah, weird," Sheena agreed, scratching the top of his helmet. "I-I guess he's dead."

"Sounds good to me," Kratos nodded. "Let's go with that."

But Lloyd wouldn't allow it. "He could be hurt and trapped in the present."

"That's impossible, son," Kratos argued. "The present doesn't exist anymore. What you're proposing just isn't very good science."

Lloyd then had a horrible thought. "Don't you see? If he was facing forward during the explosion, and that blew us into the future, that could mean that he was blown backwards into…" He let out a gasp. "Oh no!"

"Backwards into what?" Kratos asked. "A wall? A broom closet?"

"A big rock?" Zelos added.

"Another big rock?" Genis put in.

"No," Lloyd yelled. "Into the past!"

* * *

At that moment, nearly two thousand years ago, Emil was slowly coming to. He sat up and rubbed his head. "What the hell…?" he muttered. Then he opened his eyes and found himself sitting by the edge of a huge complex and no one else in sight. As he stood up, he glanced around in complete confusion. "Where the hell am I?"

* * *

Since no one had any idea where, and when, they had landed, the Red and Blue teams split up to search for any signs of life, human or otherwise. Kratos waited at their starting point, Genis and Presea set off towards some mountains and Lloyd, Zelos and Sheena explored the rocky fields.

After a few minutes of exploring and finding nothing, Zelos stopped, fell to his knees and shook his head sadly. "They destroyed it all, Sheena. Those damn stupid bastards; they blew it all up!" He bent over and slammed his fist into the dirt. "Damn them! Damn them to Hell! Those damn dirty apes!"

"Calm down, Zelos," Sheena said. "We don't know that the whole world is like this."

"Yes it is," Zelos sighed as he got to his feet. "They destroyed it all. I guess the society of man just wasn't meant to survive."

Sheena rolled her eyes. "Hey, how about this: How about we explore more than two square miles before we jump to conclusions."

But Zelos was already in too deep. "It was definitely nuclear weapons; that's what did it. And the explosions caused massive power outages which caused the failsafe to fail, which released a super-bacteria from a secret lab."

"Oh come on," Sheena sighed.

"That caused a huge plague," Zelos continued. "And as the victims died, they rose from the dead twelve hours later to roam the Earth and feast on human flesh."

"What?" Sheena cried out in disbelief.

Zelos waved his hand for silence. "A handful of gritty survivors from all walks of life were able to keep the legions of the infected radioactive undead at bay, using only their wit and an inexplicable comprehension of agricultural science and engineering. Everything was looking good… and that's when the meteor hit!"

Sheena just stared with her mouth wide open. "I think you just quoted every crappy Hollywood apocalypse movie ever."

"Hollywood doesn't understand apocalypse." Lloyd argued. "They think that just one thing from everyday life goes away and that changes everything; like in 'Road Warrior' it was gas, and in 'Waterworld' it was land."

"What went away in 'The Matrix'?" Sheena asked.

"Sunlight." Lloyd replied.

"I thought the missing element was plot," Zelos said, scratching his head in confusion.

"I'm talking about 'Matrix 1'." Lloyd said.

"Oh right." Sheena muttered.

Zelos looked towards the burning horizon and sighed. "Face it Sheena, the age of man is done."

Sheena pondered over Zelos's story of the apocalypse. "If all of that happened, then where are the zombies? Why aren't they still around?"

"The meteor killed them," Zelos replied as if it was obvious.

"And what about the super-bacteria?" Sheena added.

"It was infected by alien bacteria brought by the meteor and was wiped out in a massive bacteria on bacteria war." Zelos sighed and shook his head. "Very ironic…"

"Okay," Sheena said slowly. "Then why haven't we been infected by the new alien bacteria?"

"It only infects other bacteria," Zelos clarified. "Are you even listening to me?"

Lloyd listened to this conversation with growing puzzlement. "Do you guys ever get anything done, or do you just stand around and talk all day?"

"We don't get paid enough to do stuff," Zelos muttered regrettably.

"But what about Castagnier, idiot?" Lloyd cried. "How're we gonna get him from the past to the future?"

"I guess he can just wait," Zelos replied with a shrug. "That's how it usually works."

"But when he gets to the present, he'll just be destroyed like everything else," Lloyd pointed out.

"Well, he'll just have to fix it on his own then," Sheena replied.

"And if he's successful," Zelos added, "he'll get to live through the coolest apocalypse of all time!"

Just then, Kratos's voice came through their radio headsets. "Wilder, Fujibayashi, get your butts over here!"

* * *

Sheena, Zelos and Lloyd ran back across the fields. They found Kratos waiting by a small gully and in the gully, Genis and Presea were standing next to a large vehicle that looked very similar to the Warthog they'd left in Blood Gulch.

"Look what I found!" Genis called up as the others approached.

"I found it!" Presea yelled angrily.

"Look at what I took credit for finding," Genis corrected.

"Amazing that these two actually accomplished something," Kratos muttered to himself.

Zelos clambered down to have a look. "It looks like some kind of an alien transport mechanism that could be used to-"

"Or it's a jeep," Sheena interrupted.

"You have no imagination," Zelos muttered.

Kratos was next to climb into the ditch and he looked over the vehicle. "Hmmm, let me see if I can get this thing working…"

"How?" Sheena asked puzzled. "There's no parts, and what're you gonna use for fuel?"

Kratos sighed in pity. "Wilder was right. You don't have any imagination."

"Thank you sir," Zelos replied.

"Shut up, scumbag," Kratos snapped. "We're not having a moment."

"Hey, we need to find Castagnier," Lloyd reminded everyone.

"He's dead, son." Kratos called back. "Why haven't you given up hope yet and just moved on?"

"It's only been a couple of hours," Lloyd retorted.

Kratos looked up at the teal soldier. "Well, this should make you feel better. When his body was blasted into smithereens, at least he took all our enemies with him."

* * *

Under a sign warning people not to swim here, a disembodied head lay in the sand. To the casual observer, it looked like the head was just a prop discarded on the beach… until they heard it speak.

"Peligro. Error. Error." (Warning… Error, error,) Aska moaned as his power gradually faded. "Peligro. Error. Error. No puedo tocar mi cuerpo." ("Warning… Error, error… I cannot feel my booodyyyyy…")

As Aska finally switched off, a purple-armor figure approached, his face in a grimace and his eyes glowing red. **"Hahahahaaaa! Don't worry, my metallic friend,"** Tenebrae ensured his lackey as he pulled him out of the sand. **"You'll be up and about in no time! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA-uh-heh. Hahahahahaha…"** He broke off with a cough and then finished, **"Ha-ha-hah!"**


	4. Rebuild

Chapter 4

Rebuild

In the gully out in No-Man's Land, the Reds and Blues got to work on fixing up the jeep and recreating their old Warthog. Zelos climbed into the driver's seat to wait for the go, Genis went off a short distance for a quick nap and Kratos and Presea were now working on the underside of the jeep.

"Combatir, hold the light right there." Kratos said, working on tightening some of the bolts.

Presea nodded and shined the flashlight on his face. "No, not on me, on that. Why would I need the light on my face?"

"Hey Sarge, what's that metal thing that looks like a bunny!?" Presea asked, pointing at a component. "Ooh, ooh, and what's that other metal thing that looks like a soup can?"

Kratos quickly slapped her hand away. "Don't touch anything. Okay fellas, I think I've got it. Give her a crank." But he got no response. "Guys? ...Hey, what the hell are you knuckleheads doing up there?"

"No, I don't think getting new rims for the jeep's a good idea." Sheena said, in yet another argument.

"Oh come on!" Zelos said, "If we all pitch in, we can get some spinners, some kickass subs, hydraulics!"

Lloyd agreed. "I'm in."

"Why?" Sheena asked.

"Uh, for style?"

"For chicks!"

Sheena pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance "First off, Presea, Lualdi, and I are the only girls you guys know, and secondly, there's no one for miles. We don't even know if anyone's still alive."

"What, suddenly you're a pessimist?"

"Yeah, but if we do find some women, we will literally be the last men on Earth for them." Lloyd said.

"He's right."

"All my life I've had girls tell me, 'not if you were the last man on Earth.' Well that may be true, but let's see what happens when I'm the last man on Earth with a sweet-ass pimped out ride, bitch." Lloyd said, high-fiving Zelos.

Kratos stood up from under the jeep with a glare. "If you ladies are through gossiping, I could use some help fixing our vehicle."

"Oh yeah, right, here let me try." Zelos said starting up the jeep. It moved a couple of feet with a grind...and a huge scream of pain from Presea.

"Ya-ya-YAAAOOUWWWWW!"

Kratos quickly got under to check "Holy shit, Combatir, are you okay?!"

"I was just, petting, the bunny. And then it went in to the soup can... and part of my hand went with it."

"Oh crap." he said, getting under the jeep again.

"Bunny and hand soup, just like Mom used to make." Lloyd said wistfully

Kratos started helping Presea get her hand free from the metal components. "Combatir, I told you not to touch anything. You touched everything! That's the exact opposite of touching nothing!"

Sheena hopped up in the passenger seat of the jeep.

Zelos looked at her. "Hey, what're you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing, I'm getting in the jeep." she responded.

"What're we, on a date? Get in the back." Zelos scowled.

"Aww, is someone shy?" she teased.

"Sheena..." he said, reaching for his handgun.

"Alright, alright, asshole." she said getting out.

"Will you two shut up?" Kratos said, standing up with Presea. "We need to get this thing fixed."

"I feel dizzy, Sarge..."

"Oh, that's just blood loss. You'll make new blood, you just need some orange juice." he assured her.

"What's the rush on getting this thing fixed, anyway?" Lloyd asked.

"Listen dirtbag." Kratos started poking his finger at Lloyd's chest, "I know on Blue Team you like to lollygag a bit-"

"There is no Blue Team." Lloyd interrupted, slapping Kratos' hand. "It's all a lie. Red and Blue are the same."

Zelos rolled his eyes. "Aw, don't start that crap again."

"You sound like a conspiracy nut when you talk about that stuff." Sheena said, then added in a sarcastic tone, "The government put a chip in my brain."

"The President can hear my thoughts." Zelos added.

"We never landed on the sun." Presea threw in.

"They put fluoride in my water!" Zelos mocked.

"Actually, that one's true." Sheena pointed out.

"It is?" Zelos asked, raising an eyebrow. "No wonder I listen to so much pop music."

"We're fixing the jeep because we need to be prepared. Just as our enemies are no doubt preparing to attack us at this very moment." Kratos said, matter-of-factly.

"But you guys think _I'm_ your enemy, and I'm not preparing to do anything. 'Cept get L-A-I-D." He noticed the silent looks on everyone's face before adding, "Laid."

Zelos was the only one that spoke up. "Yeah, we can spell. We just think that was fucking weak."

* * *

Some miles away, Mithos/Tenebrae had managed to repair Aska's head as best he could then they'd discovered a large complex further down the beach and were now exploring the rusted hallways.

**"Hahahaha, yes."** Tenebrae chortled as he stood by a window. **"This place will do nicely for an evil lair. It's diabolically designed!"**

"As a student of feng-shui, I can tell you that this house is 88% good luck." Mithos' voice said from his reflection. "Also, very breezy… and I like the floor plan."

**"Quiet, you fool!"** Tenebrae snapped.

"Nomás quiero un cuarto solo para mí." (I just want my own room.) Aska spoke from under Tenebrae's arm. "No me gusto compartir con el vacío." (I hate sharing with the vacuum.)

Tenebrae trudged further down the halls. **"Hello, is anyone home? Don't be alarmed, we're only here to KILL YOU and take all your possessions!" **He stopped by another window and waited for a response. None came. **"Excellent! No doubt our very presence has scared everyone away! Muahahahahaaa!"**

"Why don't we just see if this place is listed by a licensed real estate agent?"

**"Oh shut up!" **Tenebrae snapped.

"But we don't even know if it's been inspected recently." Mithos argued. "It could need foundation work."

"Podría tener el molde." (It could have mold.) Aska added.

**"Both of you shut up!" **Tenebrae shouted. **"We're moving in and that's final. It has machine gun turrets, two living quarters with ample closet space, and a short commute to my secret laboratory! It's perfect."**

"Yeah." Mithos agreed begrudgingly. "But what about the school district?"

"No tenemos ningún niños." (We have no children.) Aska pointed out.

"It's important to think about resale value, Aska." Mithos replied.

**"Resale value?"** Tenebrae cried out. **"Our plan is to rule the world, not make prudent investments."**

"Es importante tener un plan del retraso." (It's important to have a fallback plan.) Aska explained.

**"Oh shut up." **Tenebrae scowled as he set off down the hall again.** "We're moving in, that's final."**

He then entered a room and came across a computer console.

"Hey look, a computer." Mithos cried out as he placed Aska's head on a nearby block. "Now I can finally update my blog!"

"Tenes un weblog?" (You have a blog?) Aska asked.

"Yeah, it's great." Mithos chuckled. "It's just like being a real journalist, but without all the hassle of stuff like liability and accuracy."

**"No." **Tenebrae shouted from his reflection on the screen. **"I need that computer for compiling evil formulas, and to rebuild the weather machine… also to download music. Hahaha!"**

As Mithos started typing on the keyboard to get the computer running, Aska called out, "Quien quiere un postal de googlé invita?" (Does anyone want a g-mail invite?)

"Ooh, I do!"

"Tengo cuarenta mil a dar. Es muy exclusivo." (I only have 40,000. It's very exclusive.)

As the computer booted up, Tenebrae looked around in concern. "Where's the mouse thingy?"

"It has one of those red rubber dot thingies on the keyboard." Mithos explained, pointing it out. "That's way better than a mouse. I call it a nubbin. Who wants to touch my nubbin?"

A few days go by, like they usually do, They spent most of their time fixing the place up to make it look like it was something you could actually live in.

**"Yes, this place is coming along nicely. Excellent work repairing the turrets, Lopez."**Tenebrae complimented.

"Gracias. El trabajar manual me encanta." (Thank you. I find manual labor stimulating.)

"I still say a flowerbox would have been a bit more neighborly." Mithos said.

**"Oh shut up you fool**!"

"Hey, we should start a neighborhood association. It's just like a government, but run by housewives and old people. So it's a lot more efficient at controlling your lives."

**"Get out of my head!"**Tenebrae yelled, grabbing his head.

"Technically it's my head." Mithos pointed out. "But I don't mind sharing. Don't you remember that talk we had about sharing?"

**"Shut up!"**

What they didn't realize is that they weren't alone. A soldier in red armor was walking up towards the fortress, who had apparently been questing to find the flag again.

"At last! My pilgrimage is over! I have reached the promised land!"

Tenebrae heard the voice. **"Who is that?"** He ran toward the ledge to get a good look at the figure. He recognized it as the crazy Red Zealot from Flanoir Island. **"Oh no. Not this buffoon! How did he get here?"**

"Él estaba cerca de la bomba, cuando quemó." (He probably was blown nearby by the bomb.) Aska theorized.

**"Hello."** Tenebrae called down. **"What do you want?"**

"The disembodied voice of God!" The Zealot knelt to the ground in prayer. "I hear you Holy One! I have made it to the temple and await your command!"

Tenebrae rolled his eyes at the idiocy of this nutjob. **"Up here- Helloooo. Red Moron. Eyes up, chop-chop!"**

He looked up and noticed Tenebrae. "Oh. Greetings!" he said as he got to his feet. "Are you the gatekeeper of the temple?

"Us? No, we just moved in." Mithos told him. "Can you help us move a couch? And do you know any good restaurants nearby?"

Tenebrae quickly covered his mouth. **"Just a second."** he looked at his reflection to talk to Mithos. **"Listen you fool, let me handle this."**

"I don't know, you haven't been the best choice when it comes to making friends. Maybe I should try." Mithos suggested.

**"Nonsense! With the proper handling, this fellow will make an excellent stooge. And I'm the one here with the most experience training stooges. Isn't that right, Aska?"**

"Nyuk, nyuk."

**"You see?"**

Mithos sighed resentfully. "Okay, you can handle this, but I get to hang my motivational posters in the living room. Hang in there kitty!"

**"Deal. But I'm telling you that cat will never make it to Friday."** After the schizophrenic conversation ended, he turned back to the courtyard to talk to the Zealot. **"Yes, I am the guardian of the temple. What do you want?"**

"I have traveled great distances, in search of enlightenment!"

**"Reaaally, that's perfect. We have tons of that in here, but listen. We just can't let anyone in who wants to get in, so goodbye."**He waved his hand in a 'shoo-shoo' manner and started to walk away.

"Wait! I will do anything. Just tell me what I need to do to gain entrance." the Zealot cried.

"Psst, ask him what he knows about gardening." Mithos whispered.

"Pregúnteles si él desea sus hombros." (Ask him if we can have his shoulders.) Aska suggested.

"Maybe he knows how to use that computer we found."

Tenebrae sighed a bit, but gave and pressed a button to open the main gates to let the Zealot in.

**"Alright then come on in. We'll think of something."**He then gave a snigger which turned into a chuckle and evolved into a full-blown laugh.

"En túnel es abajo. Usted va a soplaro." (Tone it down. You're going to blow it.) Aska hissed.

He wasn't heard since Tenebrae was still laughing.

"Ese es demasiado." (OK, now that's just too much.)

At last, Tenebrae ran out of breath after laughing for 5 minutes straight and he reached for Aska when he spotted movement out the corner of his turned around and caught a split second glimpse of a black figure disappear from view behind a pillar. **"What was that?"** he whispered. He picked up Aska and turned away then looked back again. **"Aha!"**But the figure wasn't there.

He turned his body right round then spun round again. **"AHA!"** Still no one there, so he started to make for the door. **"Minding my own business, slowly walking away and… HAA, I got you!"** He whirled right round, but fortune wasn't on his side. **"Oh, forget it…"** he gave up and walked back in.

* * *

Back in the giant desert, everyone was still trying their best to search for any life. Lloyd, Genis and Presea went off to see if they could find Emil while Zelos and Sheena went on patrol, testing out the new jeep. 2 and a half hours on patrol, Zelos and Sheena were walking back to the little makeshift camp, where Kratos was seen relaxing a bit, and noticed the two coming up.

"Wilder, Fujibayashi, where have you two been?" Kratos asked.

"Our patrol didn't go exactly as planned, Sarge." Sheena said.

"Did you find something?" he then noticed that they didn't have the car with them. "Wait a minute, where's the jeep?"

Both of them shuffled their feet nervously. "Yeah, it's like this." Zelos started.

"Wilder... I just built that jeep, I don't want to hear that it's been destroyed." Kratos said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, well then maybe I should stop talking...or you can stop listening."

"Wilder!" he yelled as a vein started to show in his head.

"Relax, It's not destroyed Sarge, the engine just quit." Sheena said, trying to calm her CO down just a bit.

"And what exactly were you doing when the engine died?" he asked, in a slightly calmer, but still irritated voice.

"Duh, getting the jeep outta the ditch." Zelos replied.

"What was the jeep doing in a ditch?"

"Well I can tell you what it wasn't doing, and that's re-enacting the coolest scene from The Dukes of Hazzard ever." Zelos stated, pretty irritated.

"Oh, for the love of God." Kratos said, covering his face.

"Sheena was driving." Zelos quickly said.

"No I wasn't, I was holding the arrows and the dynamite!"

The two of them argued all the way back to the jeep, with Kratos in tow. He checked over everything on the jeep. It seemed fine. He checked the dials and found the problem.

"Wait a second, you guys, this thing isn't busted, it's just outta gas." Kratos reported.

"It runs on gas?" Zelos asked confused.

"Of course not moron, where are we gonna get gasoline?" Kratos barked. "I modified the fuel cells to utilize a form of cold fission, powered by solar energy."

"So if it runs on solar power, then why is it dead, sir?" Sheena asked confused.

"You would have had to park it in the shade for at least two hours." he answered. As he was about to start pushing the jeep, he stopped for a second and looked at the two. "Wait, what were you two doing parked in the shade for two hours?" he asked with his brow raised.

Zelos and Sheena instantly went wide-eyed. "Well I can tell you what we weren't doing..."

"You know what, I don't want to know." Kratos said, not wanting to hear the answer. He was always slightly suspicious of Zelos and Sheena but really didn't want to confirm his thoughts. "Come on, help me push this thing in the sunlight." Zelos and Sheena got behind the jeep and waited for the signal. "One, two, three!"

Sheena and Kratos pushed with all of their might.

"Hurrrr..."

"Hurrrrniaaa."

Zelos, like the lazy jackass he is, leaned on the jeep. "Hurr. Man this thing weighs a ton. Holy crap. Wowzers."

"Dumbass." Sheena glared.

"Oh right."

All three of them finally managed to push it into the sun. While Zelos and Sheena rested their muscles, Kratos glanced at the front of the jeep. "Wilder, what happened to this fender?"

"It was like that when we took it out!" Zelos proclaimed.

"And where's the hubcap? I gotta buy those in sets of four." Kratos said, looking at where the hubcap should be.

"Man, this neighborhood's really going to crap."

Sheena checked the dials and noticed they were starting to go up. "Jeep's getting power." Almost instantly, the engine started, and so did the radio. It started playing that crappy Mexican Polka song, the same one their old Warthog did.

"Turn that crap off." Kratos requested.

Sheena flicked it off, but the second she did a female voice was heard coming through. "Come in, does anyone hear me? Over."

"What the..." Kratos cried out, knowing the voice. "Who's that?"

"This is Freelancer Luin, looking for anyone from the Blood Gulch Outposts, do you read? Over."

Zelos snapped his fingers. "It's that chick from the blue team."

"Hang up on her." Sheena voted.

"Good idea."

But as he reached for the radio, Marta continued her transmission. "I have found Tenebrae's base. I repeat; I have found Tenebrae's base."

"Tenebrae?" Kratos cried out. "Son of a-"

"Where is she?" Sheena yelled.

"They seemed to be holed up in some kind of a fortress." Marta explained without really hearing them. "I'm not sure how I got here or how they built it, but if you can read this, I need you get to me as fast as you can."

As she continued describing her whereabouts, the Reds quickly jumped into action.

"Maybe we could use the radio to triangulate her position." Zelos suggested.

"How?" Sheena pointed out. "We only have one radio. We would need a third point to triangulate."

"Okay." Zelos replied. "Well, let's just pick a point between her and us."

"What?" Sheena shouted. "That's not a triangle, you idiot. That's a line!"

"Right, a line that we'll follow straight to Lualdi." Zelos concluded. "It's the perfect mathematical plan!"

Sheena sighed and face-palmed herself. "Hey Zelos, why don't you just stick to criticizing other peoples plans instead of coming up with your own?"

"It does seem to be my talent." Zelos admitted.

Kratos meanwhile was examining the back of the jeep. "I could simulate a third radio by using some of this sand, and the heat from the jeep's tailpipe to make an enormous refractory lens. And then-"

"Or we could just listen to the coordinates she's sending." Zelos interrupted, getting back to what he does best.

At that moment, Marta gave out her instructions. "My coordinates are two two niner delta, by one point three seven gamma."

"Uh, yeah, we could do that too." Sheena muttered.

As they set off to find the others, Simmons noticed the despondent look on her CO's face. "What's wrong, Sarge?"

"Nothing."

"You really wanted to make the lens, didn't you?" Sheena asked.

"You're damn right!" Kratos snapped.

"Well, we can make it later, when we have more time." she suggested.

"Oh, don't patronize me."

Behind them, Marta finished her transmission. "I need you guys to come right away… Or better yet, send someone who can fight."


	5. Battle of the Fortress

Chapter 5

Battle of the Fortress

Marta sat on the beach waiting for the Blood Gulch soldiers to arrive. She noticed that her robotic body had started to take the shape of her original body. Hair, face, complexion, body shape, everything. It was like she was alive again. She could still leave her body and take her ghost form, but she preferred staying in her new body. After waiting for two hours, she spotted a jeep filled with 6 people, and stood up.

"What took you guys so long to get here?" she asked as they approached.

"There's six of us, and this is only a three-seater jeep." Sheena replied, pointing at the Warthog. "Half of us had to sit on someone else's lap."

"It wasn't that fun of a road trip." Presea said glaring at her orange-clad teammate.. "Mainly since when Zelos tried to change gears, he ended up-"

"I said I was sorry alright?" Zelos groaned. "Is there somewhere I can wash my hands?" Marta pointed to the sea and Zelos went over to clean his stained hands.

"What you find, Lualdi?" Kratos asked.

"Well, Tenebrae's holed up in this fortress." Marta explained. "He's been fortifying his defenses for a few days now, and he's got some help; one of those religious nuts you guys picked up back on Flanoir Island."

"Oh I like them." Genis giggled. "They were funny."

"Sage, they tried to kill you because of a flag." Lloyd reminded him.

"I try not to remember the bad things about people." Genis replied politely.

"That's all they tried to do." Lloyd argued. "There were no good things."

"That's okay." Genis reassured. "I have a really bad memory- Wow! Look, a beach!"

"Shut up, Sage." Kratos deadpanned. "What's your plan, Marta?"

The freelancer took out a small device, placed it in the sand and pressed a button. At once, a large holographic map appeared, showing a panoramic view of the lair.

As Marta relayed her plan, she pointed to the structures on the map one by one. "Well, first we have to breach the outer wall…"

"Oh, I love breaching." Genis cheered.

"…Then, we have to get past another wall."

"Two walls?" Zelos cried out as he rejoined the group, wiping his hands dry on his armor. "Some people are so materialistic."

"The second wall has a guard tower and an enormous razor-sharp spinning blade."

"What, that thing?" Sheena asked, pointing at the fan. "It's spinning like two miles an hour."

"I didn't say it would be hard to get past." Marta agreed. "After that, we have to pass the gun turrets and break into the building…"

"And then we attack Tenebrae." Kratos concluded.

"No." Marta said as she switched off the hologram walked to a small cove. "That's when we plant… this!" She showed them a large black sphere.

"…We're planting a volleyball." Genis muttered.

"It's not a ball." Marta said. "It's a bomb."

Genis still looked confused. "We're planting a volleybomb?"

Marta rolled her eyes and turned to the others. "I've scouted a location inside the base where we can set it off and take the whole place down, and marked the spot with a big X."

"You scouted it.." Lloyd said simply.

"Yeah." Marta confirmed.

Lloyd thought it over before answering, "So… if you got past the two walls, the huge spinning blade, the gun turrets, and made it all the way into the fortress, why didn't you just plant the bomb then instead of putting a big X on the floor?"

Marta gave an uncomfortable look and shuffled her feet before muttering, "I can't carry it."

"What?" Zelos asked.

"What was that?" Sheena added.

"It's too heavy, okay?" Marta shouted. "You happy?"

"Yeah, kinda." Zelos replied.

"I need one of the guys to carry it." Marta continued. "I don't have the upper body strength to move it on my own."

"See?" Zelos cried. "Girls act like they're so tough, but the time they need someone to move a couch, who do they call?" He then became aware of Marta, Presea, and Sheena glowering at him. "Please don't kill me."

"Ah, go ahead and kill him." Kratos said dismissively. "We could use the armor for spare parts." He then stepped towards the bomb. "Here, this thing doesn't look so heavy, let me try." He knelt down, grabbed the bomb and pulled with all his might. "Hurrrrr!" But try as he might, he couldn't lift it. "Ooff, that thing ain't moving." he grunted as he let go.

"I can carry it." Genis called out as he ran up.

"I guarantee you'll need two people." Marta warned.

"No it's true." Lloyd argued. "He's got _crazy_ strength. Castagnier and I think it's God's way of compensating."

With a nod, Genis reached down, took the bomb in one hand and lifted up as easily as he would lift an empty box. "See?"

"Great Paul's Bunions!" Kratos cried out. "He's like an ox."

"But I have no horns, or lumberjack friends." Genis said as he casually tossed the bomb up and down.

"Come on, no way it can be that bad." Zelos jeered as he stepped towards them. "Let me give it a go." He held out his hands, and Genis gave the bomb to him but the instant he let go, Zelos went sprawling to the ground. "OOOFFF! Okay, you can carry it."

As Genis took the bomb back, Kratos went over Marta's plan. "Alright, then we'll storm in there, blow up Tenebrae, leave Wilder for dead, and maybe find some clues about what happened to Castagnier and Aska."

"You mean your robot?" Marta spoke up. "He's in there with him."

Kratos gasped. "Aska is in the building?"

* * *

At that moment, in the computer room, Aska was getting very annoyed at their new ally. "Ese persona rojo está comenzados a conseguir a mi nervios." (That Red guy is starting to get on my nerves.")

"He keeps asking me if I've accepted the Flag as my savior." Mithos agreed. "I'm just not comfortable talking about religion in the workplace."

Just then, footsteps ran out down the hall and Tenebrae looked round with a groan. **"Oh no, here he comes."**

"Master, Headmaster." the Red Zealot called out as he entered the room. "I have finished the duties you assigned me."

**"You polished all the curtains?"** Tenebrae checked.

"Yes, and the ammunition too." the Zealot replied joyfully. "It was like cleaning the impurities from my own essence!"

Aska gave a mechanical sigh as Tenebrae asked, **"What about the windmill?"**

"I greased the engine and filled it with gas." the Red soldier answered with growing rapture. "It was like giving my own soul a tune-up!"

**"Yes, yes, alright fine."** Tenebrae cut in. **"Why don't you see about patching up some of these holes in the wall? I think there's some Spackle in the tool shed."**

"Excellent idea, sir." the Red Zealot replied eagerly as he ran out the room. "It will probably keep out the crowd of people that's been gathering on the beach."

**"Yes of course, all the people on the beach, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."** Tenebrae sighed dismissively before his words caught up with him. "**Wait… What did he say?"**

* * *

"Wait, let me get this straight..." Marta said as she tried to get her head round the Reds' change of plan. "The biggest threat we know of is in that building and you _don't_ want me to blow it up?"

"We can't." Sheena confirmed. "We need Aska's head. It has valuable information stored in it."

"Sorry, I'm going with the bomb." Marta stated, folding her arms. "But hey, here's an idea: Maybe you could find your buddy's head in the rubble when we're done."

"Come on." Zelos scoffed. "We can't lift a bomb but we can dig through rubble?"

"Sorry, but there is no way I'm letting Tenebrae get away this time." Marta said with finality.

"Just hire her." Lloyd suggested.

"What?" Zelos asked.

"Hire her to help you get Aska back." Lloyd explained. "She'll do anything for money."

"That's not true." Marta argued.

"It's not?" Lloyd grinned. "I'll give you ten bucks to tear off Wilder's arm."

At once, Marta turned to the two Reds. "Which one's Wilder?"

"See?" Lloyd pointed out. "She's not even really on the Blue Team. She was just paid to come help us."

Zelos surreptitiously pointed to Sheena and whispered, "She's Wilder."

"How do we pay her?" Sheena asked. "We don't even have any money. We don't even know what money is in the future."

"Yeah." Zelos agreed. "They could have shells or laser beams for currency."

Sheena turned to stare at her teammate. "Laser beams…"

"Yeah, that would be the coolest wallet ever." Zelos chuckled.

"Why don't you trade her a favor?" Lloyd proposed.

Zelos looked confused. "Huh?"

"Have her do this for you, and then you guys owe her a favor." Lloyd advised then turned to Marta. "That's how these freelancers get stuff done, right?"

"That'll work." Marta agreed. "I'll help you, and then the two of you have to do something for me, okay?"

"Okay, we'll do it." Sheena decided.

"Wait just a second." Zelos cut in. "What would we have to do?"

"It all depends." Marta shrugged.

"Depends on what?"

"On what I need... to do some future job."

"Buuuut, it could be anything…"

"That's right, anything."

Zelos thought for a moment. "…Like… gay stuff?"

"I have no idea." Marta said, annoyed.

"...Well, can we rule out the gay stuff?" Zelos said.

Meanwhile, Genis was starting to struggle to carry the bomb but Kratos was still giving him tips. "No, no, what're you doing? Don't lift with your legs; your back's the strongest muscle in your body. And look man, your knees aren't even locked. How do you expect to stand up straight? And stop exhaling on every lift. The goal is to hold your breath as long as possible. Under stress, the body produces all the oxygen it needs." He flexed his arms forward and grunted, "Hurrrr, groin it out!"

"Can't I just… pick this up… when we are ready to go?" Genis grunted with effort.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense." Kratos admitted.

With that, Genis let the bomb drop to the ground and sighed in relief. "Ahhh…" He laid on the ground trying to relax.

"Okay, we're ready to go!" Marta called out.

"Goddammit…"

As he helped Genis up, Kratos decided to give everyone his plan of attack. "Okay, listen up, dirtbags." he bellowed. "If we're gonna invade this fortress, we need a good game plan. I have two options we can use. Number one: We all run straight at the base in a single file line, screaming at the top of our lungs. The enemy will be so flabbergasted by the time they have a chance to regroup, we'll already be inside."

"Oh yeah right." Lloyd scoffed. "They're not gonna get surprised, they're just gonna start mowing us down."

"That's the inherent beauty of the single file line." Kratos encouraged. "They can only kill the person in front. So if we order from least important to most important, with Irving being in the front and me being in the back, then we might just make it through."

"Don't you think Sage should be in the back since he's the one carrying the bomb?" Sheena pointed out.

"Nope." Kratos replied. "Sage is in front of me. We need someone in back who can objectively evaluate how the plan is working."

"How're you gonna know if it's not working?" Lloyd asked curiously.

"If Sage dies, I'll know we're in trouble and immediately abort."

"I think that's a good plan." Genis grunted sarcastically while holding the bomb.

Zelos sighed as he turned to his leader. "Sarge, while that is the most retarded idea I've ever heard, I just wanted to thank for not putting me in front of the line.

"Don't get misty, Francine." Kratos scolded. "We'll have already killed you and used your corpse to jam up the windmill."

Zelos shuddered at the thought as Kratos concluded, "I think we can all agree given our current situation, it's the perfect plan."

Everyone glanced at each other silently and looked nervous.

"Okay." Kratos said. "Well, let me tell you about my other plan."

"I'm hoping you've got a better idea." Zelos muttered to Marta.

"Don't worry I do." she whispered.

Kratos continued his plan, "Using parts from the Warthog, we build what I like to call 'The Z-Cannon'. Utilizing the power of the Z-Cannon, we make a Wilder-sized hole in the outer wall… or we paint it a very disgusting color."

"Oh, man." Zelos moaned as he faced-palmed himself.

* * *

Inside the base, Tenebrae had gathered his troops to prepare the defense. **"Hahaha fools."** he chortled. "**They don't stand a chance against us, do they men?"**

"No, los macho comer os!" (No, we will crush them!) Aska replied from the windowsill.

"The Flag is on our side." the Red Zealot agreed. "We will be victorious!"

**"Stupendous!"** Tenebrae crowed. **"To your battle stations! On to crushing victory! The fools don't stand a chance against our might! Muahahahahahahaaaaa!"** As he finished laughing, he looked round and saw his stooges were still there. **"What're you still doing here?"**

"I forget; which battle station is mine?" the Red Zealot asked, scratching his head. "I'm still learning my way around the fortress."

"Necesito a llega mí llevo. No tengo ningún torso." (I need someone to carry me. I have no torso.)

Tenebrae sighed, picked up Aska and shoved the Red Zealot out the door.

* * *

By then, Marta had formulated a better idea to infiltrate the fortress: two soldiers would escort Genis through a secret tunnel into the base while the others would enter through the two walls and take out the two turrets.

So now, Kratos quickly contacted the others through a secret channel on his helmet radio. "Okay, is everyone ready? Combatir, Sage and I will move the bomb down the staircase and along the left side of the base."

"Please hurry." Genis grunted as if he was in labor. "I don't know how much longer I can talk like this."

"Man, that does look heavy." Presea noted unhelpfully. "You really should consider wearing some kind of supportive undergarment."

"Uh, no thanks." Genis winced as he tried to look like he had it under control. "I can do it."

"Come on now, don't be shy!" Presea egged on. "You can borrow one of mine! I'm thinking something in lace. Lace is totally in right now!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in a passage of the outer wall, while the Red privates received Kratos's call, Lloyd spotted a gun lying nearby. "Ooh, sniper rifle!"

But Marta grabbed it before he could. "I got it."

"Fuck!"

* * *

Nearby, Sheena nodded at her CO's orders. "Copy that."

"Fujibayashi, you and the two bullet magnets move up the right side and try to cause some kind of distraction." Kratos ordered.

"Any suggestions?" Sheena asked.

"As long as it draws their fire away from us and towards you, I don't care." Kratos replied.

Then Presea's voice cut in. "Try some dance moves! Oh, you could do a musical number!"

"Get off the radio, Combatir!" Kratos snapped.

Sheena sighed and disconnected the call. "Alright, looks like we're on our own, guys. Lualdi, how does it look from up there?"

From her vantage point on the wall, Marta peered through the sniper scope at the turrets. "I don't see any movement, but the guns are definitely online."

Lloyd gave a sentimental sigh. "You know what, I miss the old days, when we didn't risk our lives and you guys were all just a bunch of nameless assholes I would yell at with Castagnier."

"It's okay." Zelos sniffed. "We hate you too man."

"Okay, let's move out!" Kratos bellowed through their earpiece radios.

* * *

From his vantage point in the middle of the fortress, Tenebrae spotted movement. **"Here they come! Get ready!"**

At the turrets, his lackeys poised for attack.

"Prepare to be cleansed, infidels!" the Red Zealot yelled.

"No los dejarán cruzar la frontera." (I will not let them cross the border.) Aska promised, balanced on the triggers.

* * *

From the top of the outer wall, Sheena gave her leader the sit-rep. "Alright, so far so good. Sarge, we are in position."

* * *

On the left side of the base, Kratos received Sheena's report. "Roger that. We are also in position. No sign of the enemy."

"Man, this is the easiest fortress invading mission of all time." Presea hissed.

"Maybe for you." Genis grunted indignantly. "This thing is heavy for me!" And he let the bomb drop to the ground, with a thud that attracted the Red Zealot's attention.

"Careful with that thing, Sage." Kratos shouted. "You could blow us all to smithereens!"

Presea then spotted the Zealot pointing his turret at them and gulped. "Uh, guys? I'm pretty sure that guy up there with the gun sees us…"

But Kratos didn't hear him. "You wanna blow people to smithereens; at least make sure Wilder is nearby."

Suddenly, the Red Zealot opened fire and Presea cried out, "Duck!"

"What the...?" Kratos yelped as he dived for cover.

"A duck, where?" Genis shouted, looking around. "I love ducks."

"Get down, idiot." Kratos yelled as he pulled Genis aside and rolled the bomb towards him.

* * *

On the outer wall, Aska had also opened fire on the others.

"We're under fire!" Zelos yelled through the radio. "Sarge, we're under fire!"

"Good." Kratos called out. "Now jump up and draw them off."

"What'd he say?" Lloyd shouted above the shooting.

"Uh, he was breaking up." Zelos lied. "I think he said something about staying here and not doing anything risky."

"Lualdi, see what you can do about that gun!" Sheena called up.

"You got it." Marta replied. With barely a pause, she raised the sniper rifle, took aim and fired a round, knocking Aska off the turret. "Booyah, headshot!"

"Nice shooting!" Zelos cheered.

"Irving, you and Lualdi head up across the bridge and try to take out that other turret." Sheena ordered. "We'll head into the base and see if we can find Tenebrae."

Lloyd stared at him annoyed. "Why do I have to go up against a machine-gun and you guys get to go play hide-and-seek?"

"The guy we're seeking has a rocket launcher." Sheena reminded him.

"Oh, right." Lloyd gulped. "Uh, have fun doing that."

* * *

Meanwhile as the Red Zealot kept firing, Kratos turned to the blue Spartan. "Sage, we'll hold them off from up here. You take the bomb and try to sneak in the front of the base."

"Okay." Genis nodded as he set off as fast as he could while holding the bomb.

"Wow." Presea breathed impressed. "You actually decided to sacrifice yourself for someone else!"

"Quiet, Combatir!" Kratos snapped. "I'm gonna need your help. When the turrets kill Sage, I'm gonna need you to carry the bomb into the base."

* * *

Meanwhile, Marta and Lloyd had reached a large windmill built into the inner wall.

"I can't see him from here." Marta told her ally as she set off through the fan. "Let's move out."

"Okay, but jus- Whoahoa!" Lloyd suddenly fell through a gap in the fan and landed in a small chamber with a thump. "Ah!"

"Irving, are you okay?" Marta called down.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Lloyd replied as he got to his feet. "I dropped down into some kind of hole. Can you give me a hand?"

Just then, the Zealot fired at Marta and she quickly took cover. "Oh, let me take out this turret. I'll be back for you later." she promised as she ran off.

With a sigh, Lloyd started dusting himself down when he spotted a nearby pedestal. "What is that?" he muttered as he approached and then he gasped at the items on top. "Whoahoho, what the hell are these?"

* * *

On the other side of the inner wall, Zelos and Sheena had reached the slow-moving blade.

"Okay, Zelos, we just need to jump through there." Sheena told his teammate.

"Okay, go for it." Zelos said.

"Me? Why me first?" Sheena asked.

"Because, I don't wanna die." Zelos replied as if it was obvious.

"But this thing's moving super slow, see?" Sheena turned to face the entrance and ten seconds later, the blade went past with a mighty WHOOOSH!

"Nice knowing you, Sheena." Zelos said simply.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Zealot kept firing at Kratos and Presea, which made the former very angry. "No, shoot the guy with the bomb." he yelled out. "You're ruining the plan!"

Behind the turret, Marta was struggling to find an opening to shoot the enemy. "I'm pinned down, I need assistance!"

Right on cue, Lloyd leaped out from the other side, whipped out 2 small handles and tapped the Zealot on the shoulder. "Hey, asshole!"

"Huh?" The Zealot whirled round to look but before he could react, Lloyd pressed a button on the handles and two blades of energy, one red and one blue, flashed out. Then with a mighty swing of his weapons, he sent the Zealot flying off the turret.

With a sickening thud, the Red Zealot crashed onto the beach where he lay, bleeding from his wound in the groin. "My quest is over." he groaned. "I can see the Flag… It's so… flappy…" And he was still.

Marta stepped out of cover and stood next to Lloyd, staring at the glowing swords. "Hey, where'd you get those?"

"I dunno, I found them in the hole." Lloyd replied. "Pretty cool, huh? Look what I can do…" He stepped forward and gave a routine, swinging the swords around with grace. He slapped them together and they combined into a giant purple zweihander before pulling them back together and putting them away.

"Hey, you wanna trade for the sniper rifle?" Marta asked unsubtly.

"No thanks, I'm good." Lloyd replied.

* * *

Inside the base, Genis glanced around the corridor with the bomb in his hands. "X… I'm looking for an X." He then spotted something on the ground and took a look. "That is a plus sign, not an X."

He then stepped into the computer room, muttering to himself, "I need to find an X."

Suddenly, the computer gave a loud buzz and a voice called out, "Hello? Sage, is that you? Can you hear me?"

Genis whirled round to face the computer. "Castagnier?"

* * *

Nearly two thousand years before the siege of Tenebrae's base, Emil was wandering around the halls of the same complex. He'd been searching the place for hours, trying to find his team but to no avail.

_Okay, think Emil,_ he thought to himself. _The bomb went off, you got knocked out, you woke up and you were here. Question is, where is here?_

Nearby, a wall suddenly opened and he stepped inside to look. As he passed a computer terminal, a female voice suddenly called to him, "Hello."

Emil almost jumped out of his body and he whirled round to see a sky blue hologram staring at him, projecting from the computer screen. "You're early."

"Me?" Emil asked puzzled.

The figure nodded. "You're not supposed to be here for another 1,856 years."

Emil looked around in confusion. "What is this place?"

"This is the housing facility of the Great Weapon," the hologram explained grimly. I'm the Keeper of the Great Weapon. You're the Great Destroyer. You'll demolish this facility, kill me, steal the Great Weapon, and bring about the Great Doom for billions of people..." The hologram's face then brightened up. "Welcome! How can I be of assistance?"

"What're you talking about?" Emil spluttered.

"Your coming was fortold by the Great Prophecy."

Emil folded his arms as he asked, "Does your society have any other adjectives besides great?"

"The Great Propecy warned that the Great Destroyer will be a blue being," it continued.

"And you think that's me?" Emil asked.

"The Blue being will be known as the stupidest life form in the universe."

Emil suddenly had a thought. "Wait a second… This Destroyer guy, he dresses like me but he's dumber than anyone else in existence?"

"Yep." the hologram replied.

His thought quickly evolved into a terrible, horrifying realization. "Oh crap…"

* * *

_1,856 years later in the future._

"Aurion!" called Genis from inside the fortress, "Aurion! Come quick!"

"You'd better have a damn good reason for interrupting our search. Can't you see this is an extremely organized and highly motivated operation?!"

* * *

_2 minutes earlier..._

"Yeah, I'm bored," Zelos yawned, stretching his arms. "I wanna stop doing whatever it is I'm pretending to be doing."

"You're supposed to be helping me look for Aska, idiot," Kratos reminded him gruffly. "You said you saw him up here."

"We saw his head." Zelos confirmed.

"Just the head?"

"Yeah," Zelos replied. "It was operating the right turret."

"How was he pulling the triggers?" Kratos asked dumbfounded.

"He's very determined." Sheena told him.

"You're sure it was Aska?" Kratos checked.

"Well, I heard screaming in Spanish and bullets flying through the air," Zelos recalled. "So either it was Aska, or this is Mexican New Year."

"Well, where's his head now?" Kratos asked.

"I don't know, Lualdi shot it." Sheena turned to yell across to Marta. "Hey, Lualdi!"

"What?" Marta yelled back.

"When you shot Aska's head, where did it go?" Sheena asked.

"How should I know?" Marta retorted.

"Are you sure you hit it?" Sheena asked. When she didn't respond, she added, "I mean, is it possible that you missed?"

"..."

"I mean just this one time," she clarified. "It doesn't say anything about your overall skill level."

"..."

Sheena got the hint and turned to her teammates "Yeah, she says she doesn't know."

* * *

Outside the main gate, Lloyd switched on his energy swords and showed them to Presea.

"Wow, that's sweet!" Presea breathed. "I like the glowing part. Do they make cool noises when you swing them?"

"I don't think so," Lloyd murmured. "No, wait, is whoosh a noise? Because if it is, then, yes. It goes whoosh, whoosh, whshsh, whshshsh, whithishsh, wh-kch, chchchchc, whshsshh, hhshshsh ING, ching, whsch, wheouw!" He swung the swords a few times, making them whoosh. "See?"

"And you found them in a hole?" Presea asked.

"Yeah, dude," Lloyd replied. "I was just walking along, following Lualdi, not really paying attention, you know, when I fell in some hole. And uh, she didn't help me out, she figured she was better off without me, and that's when I found these."

Presea looked deflated. "You know, most people would tell that story in a way that makes it sound a little better."

"Yeah, but you know, that's not really my style," Lloyd admitted.

"Man, I've never found something that cool in a hole," Presea cried. "And I've explored just about every hole you can think of!"

Lloyd glanced at her annoyed. "Hey, do me a favor and don't talk like that when I'm playing with my thing."

* * *

_Current time_

Kratos, Sheena and Zelos came into the computer room where Genis was muttering in fear about someone he'd found.

"Sage, what're you yammering about?" Kratos yelled. "Did you find Aska?"

"Someone meaner!" Genis whimpered.

"Tenebrae?"

"Meaner!"

"You found someone meaner than the guy trying to destroy the universe?" Zelos asked curiously.

"Yes!" Genis squeaked.

At once, from the computer console, a voice called out, "Sage, is that you? Can you hear me?"

"See? It's Castagnier," Genis gulped. "And he's meaner than ever!"

"Sage, is that you?" Emil's voice repeated. "Can you hear me?"

"Castagnier, I can hear you," Genis replied. "Can you hear me?"

"Sage, is that you? Can you hear me?"

"Castagnier, I can hear you," Genis said again. "How are you?"

"Sage, is that you? Can you hear me?"

"I think it might be a recording," Sheena reasoned.

"Quiet," Zelos hissed with a chuckle. "I wanna see how long this lasts."

"Castagnier, I can hear you," Genis shouted. "Do you miss me?"

"Move over, brainless," Kratos cut in, pushing Genis to one side. "Let me see if I can get the rest of this thing to play." He knelt down, pulled open the back of the console and began to fidget with the wires.

"I carried the bomb and found Castagnier," Sage said proudly. "I am a very important person."

"Yes, we're very impressed," Zelos sighed sarcastically.

Kratos glanced at the machinery inside the console. "Hmmm, I think I can reroute power from the main coupling to the memory storage compartment. Wilder, we may have to use some of your circuitry from your armor's life support system."

"Or I could just hit the play button," Zelos interposed.

"Are you sure?" Kratos asked. "I'm already down here."

"I'm sure."

"I already got the access panel off and everything."

"Pressing play."

"Alright, fine," Kratos sighed reluctantly as he got up.

Zelos pressed the play button and an image of Emil appeared on the screen. "Sage, I know you're there," he said. "I'm leaving this message from two thousand years in the past. Whatever you do, don't, touch, anything! Apparently, you're this culture's version of the apocalypse. You're going to destroy this building and somehow bring about doom for their entire race."

"Mmmmmmm, nooo," Genis muttered. "That doesn't sound like me. I like people, and buildings also."

Sheena grabbed the blue rookie's shoulders and stared at him with growing urgency. "Sage, what did you do with the bomb you were carrying?"

"I put it on the X, like I was supposed to," Genis replied, pointing to it.

"Uh oh," Sheena gulped.

"I think we'd better get outta here," Zelos cried out.

But Emil had more to tell them. "Whatever you do, don't touch the glowing weapon thing they have stored there."

"Uh oh," Sheena gulped again.

"And if you do," Emil continued, "definitely don't bring it into the main building…"

"What's up, dawgs?" Lloyd called out as he and Presea entered.

"…Otherwise the whole place is gonna lock down, and you're gonna be trapped," Emil concluded.

Just then, the gate slammed shut behind the two and all around the base, shutters slid down and the windmill gained speed.

"Automatic garage doors! Cool!" Presea cried out.

In the computer room, Genis scowled at the image of Emil. "Would you stop saying bad things that come true? Or… say them ten seconds earlier!"

Kratos quickly turned on his radio. "Lualdi, this is Aurion. Do not detonate the bomb!"

"I don't have a detonator," Marta replied. "It's on a timer."

"A countdown timer?" Zelos asked.

"No, a countup timer," Marta replied in a voice laced with sarcasm. "It goes from one to explode. Of course, a countdown timer, you idiot!"

"I think we might be in trouble," Kratos gulped. "Ah, fudge pumps!"

* * *

_Meanwhile in a different point in time..._

Emil has just finished telling his message to Sage. "Just don't touch anything, don't look at anything, and don't breathe on anything!"

"Message recorded." the computer said then the hologram reappeared. "So do you think it'll work?"

"No." Emil replied, letting his shoulders sag glumly. "Like you said, that guy's dumb as a rock! But at least, he has some slightly less stupid people around him that can kind of help him from time to time."

* * *

_T-minus 3 minutes_

"Just three minutes left on the bomb!" Kratos screamed at the top of his voice.

Lloyd grabbed Genis in a hug and they both burst into tears.

"WHAAAAH!" Presea yelled, running around in circles. "We're all gonna explode and die!"

Sheena banged and kicked on the console, cursing and shouting.

Zelos was scratching at the walls in a panic. "Sheena, come over here and help me chew on this wall. We can eat our way out!"

* * *

_T-minus 975,513,603 minutes_

"Yeah, on second thought, I'd better get back there and handle this personally." He turned round to think. He knew he was in the past, so maybe… "Y'know, if I could only get back to our old bases, maybe I can change some key events and keep them from getting there…" He turned to the computer. "Hey, do you have any way to teleport me to Blood Gulch?"

"Not right now," she replied. "But If I work at full capacity I can make a teleporter in about 1,000 years."

"A thousand years, huh?" Emil sighed. "Kind of a long wait…" He sat on the floor to rest his body. Something told him he might need his strength. After a long silence, he asked, "Um, you know any jokes?"

"Did you hear the one about the positronic brain?"

"Oh yeah, that's the one with the active matrix and the…" He trailed off.

"Yeah, that's it. I just love that one." the hologram giggled.

"Yeah, it's funny," Emil smiled. "It's old, but yeah it's funny."

"How about the one with the Jewish Simm Chip and the Irish Expansion Slot?"

"Hey come on, let's try to keep it clean."

"Hey, pull my finger," the hologram said, holding her finger out. "Come on, just one pull. It won't kill you."

Emil groaned and put his head in his hands. 1000 year waiting period starts...now.

* * *

**_FOR THE VERY FEW PEOPLE THAT ARE READING THIS, YOU GUYS ARE COOL! REVIEW AND YOU GUYS WILL BE AWESOME! I'M TYPING THIS BECAUSE THE NEXT 3 CHAPTERS ARE GOING TO BE A BIT DIFFERENT. IT WILL ONLY COVER ONE EPISODE DUE TO THE WAY THAT THE EPISODES IN THE SERIES PROGRESS, AND IT'LL BE CENTERED AROUND OUR FAVORITE ANGRY BLUE GHOST, EMIL CASTAGNIER! READ, REVIEW, SHOOT A HOOKER, SELL YOUR CAT, TELL YOUR FRIENDS, WATCH THIS SERIES, DO WHATEVER YOU DO WITH YOUR TIME. HASTA LUEGO, COCKBITES!  
_**


	6. Castagnier's Journey (Part 1)

Chapter 6

Castagnier's Journey

Trapped in the fortress, with no hope of escape, the Reds stood around the bomb and watched the seconds ticking away.

"Just two minutes left." Zelos groaned despondently.

"Men, I don't want this to sound pessimistic." Kratos muttered. "But I'm absolutely certain we're all gonna die!"

"I think that that's a totally objective assessment of the situation, sir." Sheena sighed.

Meanwhile, Lloyd was trying to pry open one of the shutters with his energy sword. "What if we just pry open one of these window shutters, we can get 'em open!"

"No." Kratos protested. "That would be the coward's way out, fruitlessly trying to escape instead of accepting your own fate!"

By then, Lloyd had cracled the shutter just open enough for someone to slide out. "But I can see daylight!"

"It's true." Kratos moaned. "Only a miracle can save us now…"

* * *

In the past, the computer had finally finished its work. "Ok the teleporter's complete! Little behind schedule though." the hologram said.

With a sigh, Emil stood up. For the last thousand years, he'd spent most of his time exploring the complex, telling his life story to the hologram or listening to its jokes. "You know." he muttered. "It might have gone a bit faster if you hadn't spent so much processor time telling knock-knock jokes."

"Knock knock."

"Enough." Emil said. "Do you have the coordinates to send me to Blood Gulch or not?"

"Yep. You have a plan yet?"

"I've been standing in this hallway thinking for a thousand years." Emil replied. "I've had time."

The hologram looked intrigued. "And?"

Emil popped open the last can of a 6-pack of soda he'd scrounged up in the last century and took a swig. "Well, the main thing I need to do is keep myself from dying."

"Well, that's a given."

"And since all our problems stem from Tenebrae jumping from Marta to Sage, all I need to do is prevent her from dying too."

"Because you secretly love her." the hologram giggled.

"Oh, don't start that again!" Emil snapped. "So, all I need to do is kill the pink girl that sticks the grenade on her."

"Sounds easy enough." the hologram replied.

Emil nodded in agreement and took another gulp of soda. "Well, I have knowledge of everything that takes place before hand, so as long as I don't interfere too much or get spotted, should be a frigging breeze."

"Ready to transport."

"Okay, let's do this." Emil said, finishing off the drink and stepping forward. "Goodbye… um, computer… compu... You know what; you'd think I would have come up with a name for you in these thousand years."

"Oh yeah, It's Aqua, but thanks for asking." Emil just smiled as a blue light started to glow under his feet. "See you in a few hundred years."

The light engulfed Emil's body and he was teleported away.

* * *

In the canyon known as Blood Gulch, an auburn-haired, veteran soldier in red armor stood outside his Base, working on his latest project: a robotic soldier. He had finished work on its lower half and was working on the features when he heard a call from the Base's main entrance. "Hey, Sargeant Aurion!"

Kratos turned round and saw Zelos standing in the doorway. "What now?"

"Command's on the phone." Zelos replied. "They want to talk about some kind of upcoming delivery!"

"Goddammit!" Kratos scowled as he dropped his tools. "I'm never gonna finish this mechanized robot at this rate. I'll be right there." He stood up and looked at his robot. "Now, don't you go anywhere, Aska." Chuckling at his joke, he ran into the Base after Zelos.

Seconds later, a blue light flashed out and a blonde, cobalt armored soldier appeared. "Ahhh, it's good to be back here. It's been a long t-" Emil broke off with a sigh. "Oh, who am I kidding, even a thousand years doesn't make this dirthole any more appealing."

He then looked round and let out a groan. "Oh, what the hell? She stuck me at Red Base." Then he noticed Aska's legs standing next to him. "Hmm, it must be way before Marta shows up, the robot isn't even done yet." He gave them a little pat. "Hurry up and get finished soon, buddy. I'm gonna need that body pretty soon." But hopefully not, he added to himself.

As Emil made to leave, something caught his eye. "What's that?" He looked down and saw two switches lying on the ground, one significantly larger than the other. With a chuckle to himself, he kicked a bit of dirt onto the smaller switch. "You just got an upgrade, pal."

As he ran off into the canyon, Kratos returned from his call to Command and picked up the smaller switch then he gasped. "Oh no! How did all this dirt get into Aska's switch?" He shook it out with a sigh. "It better not short out when I use it, could take out both the leg motors."

* * *

Meanwhile, Emil spotted his Base on the other side and crept closer towards it. "I wonder just how early I am…"

* * *

At that moment, Emil's past self was standing next to the teleporter. Out of his armor, dressed in a blue T-shirt and black jeans, he was looking out to where his new teammate was. "Did they come out? Irving!"

"What?" Lloyd called back from the receptacle, the sun glinting on his regulation blue armor.

"Did they come out the other side?" Emil asked.

Lloyd looked at the pile of ash-covered rocks. "Yeah, but they're all black and smoking." he shouted in reply. "Maybe you've got it turned up too high!"

"What're you talking about?" Emil asked as he glanced at the side of the teleporter. "I don't see a knob or anything on this thing. Hey, you think I could throw a grenade through here?"

"What?" Lloyd cried out. "That would never work!"

Just then, a soldier, appearing in his early 30s in teal armor stepped out of the Base. "Hey, men." he called in a voice like a warm-hearted father. "Sorry to interrupt, would you mind huddling up, fellas?"

"Be right there, Captain Ka-Fai." Lloyd replied.

Emil climbed down from the roof and Ka-Fai turned to him fondly. "How are you adjusting to the climate on Blood Gulch, Private Castagnier?"

"Fine." he said, tugging at his shirt collar a bit. "Little warmer then what I'm used to, but okay."

"That's great." Ka-Fai beamed, patting the younger soldier on the back. "You have any problems at all, you let me know."

"Umm, okay." Emil muttered.

Lloyd then came up to them and saluted smartly. "What's up, sir?"

"Sir?" Ka-Fai gave him a patronizing look. "Irving, I told you to call me Captain or Cappy. I don't want silly things like rank to interfere with our team dynamic."

"You got it, Cappy." Lloyd replied.

The Captain looked at his two soldiers with pride. "I think I'm commanding the finest army in all of Blood Gulch."

"Isn't there only one other army, those Red guys?" Lloyd asked.

"Yeah, you know, the enemy?" Emil added.

"I'll tell you who your enemy is, gentlemen." Ka-Fai replied grimly. "Apathy; Passivity; Indifference… And yes, also those Red guys."

"Yeah, I've been thinking about our orders from Command, er Cappy." Emil continued. "And I gotta tell you, I don't think three guys are enough to stage such an elaborate offensive."

"I think we should listen to this guy, Captain." Lloyd suggested, then added with a laugh, "He seems to know plenty about being offensive."

"Can it, shitbird." Emil snapped.

"See?"

Ka-Fai gave a heartfelt chuckle. "Men, your delightful tomfoolery puts a spring in my step and bounce in my britches." He patted Lloyd on the head and rubbed Emil's shoulders. "If I weren't your commanding officer, I'd pick you both up, give you a giant bear hug and make you call me Daddy."

"Um, thank God for the chain of command?"Emil smiled, but shifted a bit uncomfortably.

Ka-Fai then gave his team a serious look. "Now I know you're worried about our mission, but I can tell you this: There is nothing more important to me than the safety, and well-being of my men, or my name isn't Captain Yuan Ka-Fai."

"Does that mean we all get sniper rifles?" Lloyd asked hopefully.

The Captain nodded. "I'm gonna put in an order for yours tomorrow, Private Irving." he promised. "But I need to get some shut-eye first."

"Awesome!" Lloyd cheered. "But it's like 3:15 in the afternoon."

"You're forgetting about the time change, Irving." Emil reminded him.

"Oh yeah, it's like 3:18." Lloyd recalled. "Why the hell is daylight savings time here only three minutes?"

"Good question, Private Irving." Yuan replied. "It'll have to wait for another day; some of us need our beauty sleep. Not everyone has your striking metrosexual good looks."

"That's true." Lloyd agreed.

From behind a rock, Emil's future self watched as the Captain retreated into the Base and his counterpart went on patrol with Lloyd. "Holy crap, Captain Ka-Fai is still alive." he breathed. "Oh man this is great! I might be able to fix everything at once!"

Inside the Base, Yuan made his way to the sleeping quarters and leaned against the wall by his bed with a sigh. "And now to go to sleep, standing up with my eyes open, as is my custom…" He settled down for his rest.

Emil slipped into the Base, went into the medical ward and grabbed a syringe and some medicine. Then he went into the sleeping quarters and spotted his leader. "Captain Ka-Fai!"

Yuan grunted and blinked as he looked up. "God, don't sneak up on me like that, can't you see I'm sleeping?"

"Sorry, sir." Emil apologized sheepishly. "Look, I know you probably don't remember me that well-"

"Course I remember you, Castagnier." Ka-Fai interrupted. "I just saw you two minutes ago."

"Oh right." Emil muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, it's uh, it's been longer for me. Anyway, there's no nice way to put this, but you're gonna die of a massive heart attack tonight."

"That doesn't sound like me." Yuan cried out. "I'm a team player."

"And I can't tell you how I know this." Emil continued as he filled the syringe with the medicine. "But I need you to take this injection, so that you can live and together we can beat the Reds. That way, a lot of really weird and totally inexplicable stuff won't happen."

Yuan stared at him in confusion. "I don't understand anything you just said, and I've only known you for a short time. But go ahead and inject me, Private Castagnier."

He took off his glove and held out his arm so that Emil could inject him with the medicine. "Thank you, son." he said as he replaced his glove. "I'm feeling much be-better. AAGH!" he suddenly gasped and grabbed his chest.

"What's the matter?" Emil cried out.

"That medication…" Yuan gasped as he fell to his knees. "It didn't have… ugh… aspirin in it, did it? I'm allergic to… aspirin."

"Ummm…" Emil gulped in alarm.

Yuan fell on all fours as he grunted in pain. "Can't feel haunches… Spleen failing… Glutes, glutenizing…" He collapsed to the floor and rolled on his side. "Castagnier… Before I die, I have to… tell you something incredibly important… It may hold the key… to our victory here…"

"What?" Emil yelled, kneeling down by his leader.

Yuan opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was a bloody cough and he closed his eyes and gave up the ghost.

"Oh, crap." Emil groaned then he heard voices ringing down the passage and he quickly ran for it.

"No, Irving, you can't hold my sniper rifle until tomorrow." his past self yelled as he entered the sleeping quarters. "Captain, what time did you wanna-" He stopped as he saw Yuan's body on the floor. "Captain?"

As Lloyd came in from behind, Emil knelt by his leader, felt for a pulse and gasped in dismay. "Holy crap… He's dead, Irving. I think he might have had a heart attack in his sleep."

"Dude, that's horrible." Lloyd sighed as he bowed his head. "This is a sad day…" He then looked up. "I got dibs on the armor!"

* * *

Outside the Base, the future Emil shook his head, angry with himself. "Well, that didn't work out so well. I better lay low before I do some more damage."

* * *

_A few weeks later..._

"Man, this sucks." Emil muttered as he sulked in his cave. "It's still weeks until Marta shows up and I still haven't seen any sign of that pink girl yet."

"Hi!" a voice called out to him.

Emil looked up and saw a young girl wearing red armor with straight red hair to her midsection, standing in the entrance of the cave. "Ummm, hello." he replied, failing to recognize the new arrival as his target, Presea Combatir.

"Do you have any elbow grease?" she asked.

Emil raised an eyebrow. "What're you talking about?"

"How about headlight fluid?" Presea persisted. "This is the store, right?"

"What?" Emil shook his head in bafflement. "Look lady, there's only two places in this God damn canyon."

"Look, I just came from Red Base." Presea told him.

"Well," Emil replied as he stepped up to the entrance. "Then the only other place that you can go is… that way." He pointed towards the Blue Base.

"Okay, thanks!" Presea beamed and she set off.

"Hey, wait a second." Emil called out. "Is that pink girl over at Red Base yet?"

Presea whirled round at this. "Pink girl? I don't know any pink girls. There's a maroon girl and an orange guy, but no pink girl. See ya later!" And she ran off towards the Base.

"Yeah, thanks." Emil sighed. "What an ditz…" A thought suddenly came to him, not that the person he talked to was Presea, but that he died chasing a female red that took their flag. "Wait a minute."

He ran out of the cave and spotted Presea as she crested the hill and saw the Base. "Oh sweet, they sell tanks!"

"Hey, lady, don't go down there!" Emil called out.

But Presea didn't hear him as he ran down and then noticed Emil's past self. "Is that the guy from the cave? How'd he get down here so fast?"

Emil hurried down the cliffs, but his body was so stiff from his inactivity that by the time he reached the Base, Presea had already run off with the Blue's flag. "Oh crap…" He looked round and spotted the tank nearby. "There's Luna… Luna!"

He waited until the Blues were on the roof then he ran over to the tank. "Luna, Luna, hey wake up!" he yelled as his past self shot at Presea. "Wake up, hey, Luna come on, turn on! Uhh… ignition!"

He then heard himself shouting at Genis to stay there so he quickly ducked behind the tank. "Oh, crap, crap, come on, activate!"

At once, the tank's voice responded. "Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Phyllis."

"Hey Lun-" Emil stopped and looked confused. "Wait, Phyllis? Why not Luna?"

"Name overwritten." the tank announced. "You may now call me Luna."

"Whatever." Emil dismissed. "Quickly, I need you to run through all your weapons system programs."

"Affirmative." Luna replied. "Auto-lock is enabled. Barrel recoil dampers are enabled."

"Yeah, c'mon, c'mon, hurry." Emil urged.

"Extra ammo management is disabled. The 'Friendly Fire' protocol is enabled."

"Friendly Fire!" Emil mused. "That's the one that kills teammates, right?"

"Affirmative." Luna replied.

"Alright..." Emil nodded then ordered, "Disable the 'Friendly Fire' protocol!"

"'Friendly Fire' protocol is now disabled." the tank announced. "Friendly forces may now be targeted by Auto-lock."

"Yes!" Emil cheered then gasped, "Wait, no! That's not right! I want the other thing!"

But by then, Genis had leapt off the roof and climbed into the tank. As the engine started, Luna turned her attention to her driver. "Hello and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Luna."

Genis started at the voice before realizing where it was coming from. "Hello… Luna." he murmured meekly. "Big tank lady."

"Would you like me to run the tutorial program?" Luna asked politely.

"Luna, what are you talking about?" Emil shouted. "Forget what I just said."

But Luna wasn't listening. "This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this Scorpion-Class tank. Let's begin with some driving."

"Wait!" Emil called out as she drove away. "Oh my God, no!" He set off after the tank in hot pursuit.

Twenty feet behind her, Emil was running as fast as he could, yelling, "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!"

But again, his stiff body slowed him down, so that by the time he'd caught up with Luna, she had already reached the cliffs, and he could only watch helplessly from the bushes as she fired at his past self. "OH NO! I'm the team-killing fucktard!" Emil yelled in horror.

At that moment, Lloyd called down to Genis, "You shot Castagnier, you team-killing fucktard!"

Luna then turned her turret towards the Red Base. "New target acquired." she announced as she drove off.

On the cliff, Lloyd looked up from his late leader and ran along the cliffs towards the rookie. "Sage, wait!"

Future Emil meanwhile ran up to his body and grabbed his sniper rifle. "Ah there we go." he sighed. "Now at least I can pick off that pink girl without getting to close to anybody." He then watched as the airship swooped out of the sky and took out Luna, narrowly missing Genis.

Then he heard a groan from behind him, "What happened?"

Emil turned round to see his ghostly past self staring at his corpse in confusion. "I can see my body." he murmured then he looked up. "I see two of my bodies. Am I dead?"

"Uhh, uh-oh." Emil muttered. "Um, let's just put it this way: You were killed because someone very close to you is an idiot."

"So I am dead?" his ghost yelled. "Oh, that blows man!" He then looked out into the distance. "Wait… I see a light. Should I go into it?"

"What light?" Emil asked, looking too. "I don't see a light. You must be shaken up from the explosion. You should probably rest."

"Farewell, my body." the past Emil called out as he faded away. "I shake loose these earthly bonds for a better existence…"

"Man." Emil sighed. "First I kill myself then I realize I'm a honking dork… Not a very good day to be me."

Just then, he heard Lloyd's voice call out, "One second, Sage. I wanna get Castagnier's sniper rifle."

"Shit." Emil gulped and quickly ducked behind a rock.

Lloyd then arrived and searched his leader's body. "Oh crap, it's gone." he scowled. "Man I'm so fucking unlucky. Come on, Sage, let's go call Command." Emil exhaled in relief.

"Um… Shouldn't we bury Emil?" Genis asked as Lloyd rejoined him.

_Wow, he wanted to bury me?_ Emil thought to himself. _How come they didn't until I found out?_

"Fuck that." the blackened soldier retorted. "Has he ever buried us?"

_Irving you are dead the next time I see you!_

Emil moved quickly towards a good hiding spot near the Red Base hidden behind a rock in front of the Red Base and was looking around through the sniper scope. "Man, I've really gotta find that pink girl." he muttered as he watched Zelos, Sheena and the still red Presea standing on the roof. "Where the hell is she?"

Suddenly, a flicker of movement flashed past Emil's view. "What the…?" he cried out. "What was that?"

And that was when he realized, it was Marta. From his hiding place, Emil watched as she hit Presea with a plasma grenade then took out Zelos as Sheena fainted with shock. He then spotted Kratos running in after her. "Oh shit… Marta, don't go in there!" But it was too late, Aska entered from the other side of the base.

"Urgh, I gotta do something." Emil muttered as he dropped the sniper and ran off into the Base.

He crept towards the brig as quietly as a mouse wearing slippers and peeked cautiously round the door to see Marta surrounded by the Reds.

"Wilder, Fujibayashi, you watch the prisoner." Kratos ordered. "Aska and I will go topside and watch for a secondary attack. Fujibayashi, if she attacks you, whistle twice and we'll know to come down and help. If she attacks Wilder, just mild applause will do fine."

"Yes sir." Sheena replied.

Emil quickly ducked into the shadows as Kratos and Aska ran out then looked in again as Sheena and Zelos started unloading all of her weapons.

"Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapons and everything, are you?" Zelos teased.

"Hey, pretty boy." Marta growled. "I don't need a weapon to kill you."

"Uh-huh, what are you gonna do, punch me?"

Marta launched her fist barely an inch from Zelos's face, and, by reflex, he jumped back.

"Hey, not the face!"

Just then, Zelos received Kratos's orders to get up on the roof and he ran out, just missing Emil as he ducked back in the shadows. Emil tried to sneak into the room and take out Sheena, but made the floor creak slightly, just audible enough for someone to hear and stepped back into the shadows.

Sheena looked towards the door. "Did you hear that?"

Kratos returned to the holding area, acting unlike his usual gruff self. He then watched as Kratos knocked out Sheena, freed Marta then, she jerked in alarm as Emil's past self came out and explained things to Marta before hopping back in and leading her out.

"Oh that's right." Future Emil realized as he stepped into the cell. "That Red guy was me when I came to rescue Marta. And then we walked outside and-" He stopped as the memory came back. "Oh no." He dropped his sniper rifle outside, and just gave Genis the equipment to shoot him in the head.

Just then, Sheena stood up, rubbing her head. "What happened?" he groaned. "Oh man, my head is killing me!"

"Yeah, that's great." Emil said then he quickly pistol whipped the red right in the face, knocking her back into unconsciousness.

Emil then ran to the Base's entrance just in time to see Kratos get shot in the head and slump to the ground. "...oh you have GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" he cried out at the same time as his past self.

"Irving did it!" Genis called out.

* * *

_Several more unsuccessful attempts later..._

Emil stood just across the canyon near the Red base, waiting for Presea to come out. Marta had just started attacking the red base along with Luna and just blew up the jeep. He saw Presea's head pop out and unloaded four sniper rifle rounds, all of them missing.

"Oh my God!" Emil yelled as he reloaded. "How did I miss?!"

He shot two more rounds which still horribly missed.

"GOD DAMMIT!" Emil screamed.

"Hey bitch!" Emil heard Presea yell. "Remember me? I saved something for you!" And saw that she hurled the grenade with all her strength.

All eyes in Blood Gulch watched as the grenade flew across the sky and Emil fired at it, yelling out between each miss, "FUCK! THIS! HORSE! SHIT!"

The grenade ended up landing right on Marta anyway and after hearing Presea's taunt, and seeing Marta blow up, he threw his rifle away and started walking off. "Alright, that's it, I quit. I'm going to live in a cave."


	7. Castagnier's Journey (Part 2)

Chapter 7

Castagnier's Journey (Part 2)

Six weeks after Marta's death, Genis and Lloyd were finally able to turn off the Spanish setting in Emil's new body and they recovered his corpse from the cliff and Marta's body and buried them at the back of the base.

Lloyd planted two headstones, which they had to make by ripping two chunks of wall out of the base, over the graves. "Uh, maybe somebody should say something." Emil said.

"Okay, go ahead," Lloyd replied.

"Not me, jackass," Emil snarled. "I'm not gonna eulogize myself!"

"What, why not?" Lloyd asked. "I eulogize myself all the time… Wait, I don't think I know what the word eulogize means."

"Wait, I know how to do this," Genis said, stepping forward.

"No shut him up, seriously," Emil groaned.

Genis cleared his throat and spoke in a deep voice, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the joining together of Lualdi and Castagnier in… eternalness together. Uh, speak now or forever rest in peace… with liberty and justice for all! The end."

"Man, this funeral is lame," Lloyd sighed. "If you need me, I'll be over by my rock."

"Hey, Irving," Emil said. "Can I have a piggy-back ride back to Base?"

"Oh, no, no, no, no," Lloyd retorted. "I fell for that shit last time, I'm not doing that. That suit is like eight thousand pounds!"

"Come on," Emil persisted. "One more piggy-back ride's not gonna kill ya. I'm in mourning here. I've been through alot, at least help me paint my body blue."

* * *

A couple of months later, after the arrival of Mithos, the fight and the negotiations, Emil's future self came out of hiding. "Okay," he muttered to himself. "I may not have been able to save myself or Marta, but I still have time to save everybody else if I can just keep the AI from getting into Yggy, prevent Aska and Luna from forming their Robot Army, and somehow figure out a way to stop the war between the Reds and the Blues all together." He sat down to think. "Hmmm, what if I… Yeah, I'm gonna need some help on this one."

He waited outside the Base until Lloyd and his past self were distracted with finding the controls for Aska's repair sequence and slipped into the Base where he began his search. "Where the hell is that contact info for Blue Command?" he muttered. "We really need to standardize the way we handle our information."

Eventually he found written instructions labeled 'Sage's Importent Lists of Stuf' which had the number for Command and he quickly dialed it on his phone and synched it to his radio earpiece. "Come in, Blue Command, do you read me?"

"Hello, hello, come in, do you read me, do I read you?" Botta's voice replied through some static. "Hello, can you read me, what's going on, it's a secure channel, come on."

"Uh, yeah," Emil muttered. "This is uh, Ka-Fai, this is Captain Yuan Ka-Fai."

"Hey, Captain Ka-Fai, how're you doing, dude?" Botta called out cheerily. "Hey I heard you died… or you got promoted, wait a minute, which one was it?"

"Um… promoted." Emil replied.

"Alright, great dude!" Botta said admirably. "How's that working out for you?"

"Good," Emil replied and quickly changed the subject. "Listen up, Botta, I'm actually uh…" Emil stumbled for a second, "Whaddaya call it, um..." he muttered to himself before speaking clearly, "Intelligence now, military intelligence, yeah. And I uh, I need help on a very top secret project, uh, that's very secret… and very top."

"I'm all yours, dude," Botta replied. "Me Botta dude es tu Botta dude, in a ditideepti and all that."

Emil paused and wondered if Botta was on drugs but didn't have time to ask. "Here's what I need you to do," Emil instructed. "I need you to contact the Red Army and have them send Medical Officer Yggdrassil as far away from here as possible."

"Red Army?" Botta sounded puzzled. "No, no, dude, last transmission I received, that medic was at Blue Base. Got it right here in my log, no pun intended… not sure what that means."

"Look, it doesn't matter where he is," Emil snapped impatiently. "I just need him outta here… They're both the same to me."

Botta was silent for a moment then he said, "Hello, dude, you're telling me that Red and Blue are the same now in Blood Gulch?"

"Right, exactly," Emil replied. "The sides don't matter."

"Huh, so Red and Blue are the same," Botta muttered in thought. "Okay, dude, well that changes everything."

"What?"

"Well, I mean for starters, we're gonna have to figure out how to divide up the money from the office pool…"

"Okay, okay, yeah, whatever," Emil interrupted. "Just remember: This is top secret, so you can't let anybody know that I gave you these instructions, okay? Or that we even spoke, don't even tell them that we talked together, you got it?"

"I will precede accordingly, dude," Botta replied. "Mum is the word… Actually, bird is the word but the bird says mum, so we're gonna go with that. Over and out, dude." And the line went dead.

Emil sighed and dusted his hands off. "Well, that should take care of at least one of our problems."

* * *

At his console, Botta scratched his head in deep thought. "So… Red and Blue are the same. Well, I gotta make some phone calls."

* * *

Meanwhile, Emil made his way towards the main entrance but stopped as he spotted Sheena and Zelos arrive… with Mithos in tow. "Oh what the hell?" he groaned. "Botta just had them bring him back over here? That guy's a fricking moron. Now I'm back to square one!"

Emil waited a little longer until the Blues were busy with other matters. As he slipped past, he could hear his past self shouting, "Guys, I keep telling you, if we have Aska remove any of Luna's pedals, she's not gonna function properly."

"Maybe we could just get Aska to give Genis more feet," Lloyd replied.

"Oh, I like that idea!" Genis agreed. "I have always wanted to be taller."

With a shake of his head, Future Emil slipped round the corner to where Luna and Aska were waiting around talking to each other.

"Hey there, Aska, Luna," he called out as he approached. "You're both looking… uh, very shiny today, uh, rust-free and…" He cleared his throat. "Anyway, the reason I'm up here to talk to you guys is… I know we had our differences in the past, you know with the uh, the nut turning and the um, possessing and stuff like that, but I'm hoping we could put that behind us 'cause I wanna talk to you about maybe some crazy ideas you might be having up here, like I dunno, say uh, starting your own robot army?"

Aska and Luna glanced at each other in confusion as Emil spoke, "And you know, it-it's something you should think about pretty seriously if you're thinking about doing it, um because it's hard to run an army and you might not be aware that it's uh… it's a lot of logistic, a lot of rhetoric um, you know it's uh, you gotta have chain of command and that stuff, you know, it's uh when you have ranks it, it puts friends against each other, that's not always a good thing."

He turned to look at them. "Cause it might seem easy with only three people, even when those people are just robots-" He scowled at his error and hastily added, "I don't mean, I don't mean just robots, I mean, three, you have three uh people, that are mechanized people- mechanized-citizens, un and then, you know, it's uh… Anyway you shouldn't do it. Bye…" And he ran off across the canyon.

Aska watched him leave then he turned to the tank. "No confío en ese mamón. Se parece muy sospechoso." (I don't trust that guy. He seems shifty.")

"Me neither," Luna agreed. "But I have to admit, I liked his Robot Army idea."

"Yo también. Debemos hacer eso." (Me too, we should do that.) Aska rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Podría construir un machina que vuela para un hombre con los lanzadores del cohete de las pieza adicionales." (I could build a one-man flying vehicle with rocket launchers using the extra parts we have.)

"Good idea," Luna replied. "Let's hide it in the cave so they won't find it."

"Sí núm." (Agreed,) Aska nodded.

In the canyon, Emil stopped and took a breath. "Well, that felt good," he sighed. "I think we really connected. Now, what am I gonna do about those teleporters?"

He made his way to the Red Base and climbed onto the roof. As he set to work on the teleporter, he could hear Presea talking to Zelos by the upturned Warthog. "Right. I know it was Tuesday because that's the day I wash my underwear and clothes. And since I don't like to let my armor touch my bare skin, on account of I chafe, really easily, I remember thinking: where can I hang out with no pants on?"

Zelos pulled a face of horror. "Oh my God!"

"Jesus," Emil muttered as he worked. "What's that girl babbling about down there? And I thought Irving was annoying. Okay concentrate, just one more adjustment to make on this teleporter and then we're done…"

Just then, the Base started shaking and Emil looked round to see the tank rolling towards them. "Oh hey look, here comes Luna and Aska. Oh, they sure are coming fast… Hey, they don't even seem to be stopping…" He suddenly remembered Lloyd's story of how he couldn't work out how to stop Luna in time. "Uh oh!"

Just then, Luna slammed into the side of the Warthog, crushing Zelos and slamming it into the side of the Base with a loud CRASH!

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Emil yelled as he was flung backwards off the roof and into the side of the cliff. As he lost consciousness, the last thing he heard was a loud buzzing as the teleporter short-circuited…

* * *

Sometime later, Emil awoke with an aching feeling in his body. "Oh, what the hell happened?" he muttered as he got to his feet. "Where am I? When am I?"

He then spotted the Reds marching out of the Base and set off after them discreetly. He reached the middle of the canyon in time to hear himself yell at Lloyd, "Okay, fine, Triangle of Confusion, Rhombus of Terror, Parabola of Mystery; WHO CARES? Get the God damn show on the road!"

"Oh no, the Parabola of Mystery!" he cried out. "That means any second now, Irving's gonna get shot by Tenebrae and then all hell's gonna break loose! Unless…"

He made a quick scan of the canyon around the three armies. Then, just as Kratos and Lloyd began their respective shouts, he spotted a discarded rocket launcher lying nearby and ran over to pick it up. "God, I can't believe the Reds have this kind of hardware lying around and they're not even using it."

He looked through the targeting system and spotted Mithos/Tenebrae approaching the middle of the canyon on his stolen flying scooter. "Ah there he is," he hissed. "You're mine now, buddy."

He fired a rocket right at the scooter but it went wide and flew towards Lloyd from behind. "It's all a- WAAAAAAAGHHH!" he yelled as he was sent flying. "Son of a bitch!"

"What the hell?" Emil screamed as he looked at the launcher. "The targeting system on this thing doesn't work at all! ...Oh, so maybe that's why the Reds don't use it. That makes sense now."

Just then, he heard Presea cry out, "Oh my God, it's the cave devil! Run for your lives!"

As Mithos/Tenebrae opened fire on the Reds, Blues and Robots, Emil let out a sigh, dropped the launcher and ran back to his cave. "Maybe I'll just sit this one out. I'm pretty sure I know how it ends…"


	8. Castagnier's Journey (Part 3)

Chapter 8

Castagnier's Journey (Part 3)

Some hours after Tenebrae's attack, Emil left his cave and waited outside the Red Base as Marta, Lloyd and Presea prepared to make the jump to Flanoir Island.

"Good luck, everyone, take care." Luna called up to them. "I packed you all lunches for the trip."

"Thanks, Luna." Lloyd said kindly. "That was really nice of you."

"Not really." Presea muttered, holding up a small component. "All my bag had was an air filter and a thermos full of brake fluid."

As Marta jumped into the teleporter, Luna said her goodbyes. "Make sure to wash your exhaust pipes every day."

"Bye, Luna." Lloyd called out as Presea ran in. "We'll come back for you soon."

"I'll be waiting." Luna promised as Lloyd followed the others.

With them gone, Emil quickly leapt out of hiding and ran onto the roof, making Luna roll back in surprise. "Castagnier! I thought you left with Wilder. Back already?"

"I hate to tell you this, Luna, but none of us are coming back." Emil sighed as he did some quick calculations on the teleporter. "Is there any way I can take you with me? Maybe transfer your program into a disk or something?"

"No." Luna replied sadly. "Sorry, but I'm hardwired into this equipment. That's what happens when you're built by the lowest bidder."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Emil muttered. "There's just one more thing you can do for me before I say goodbye. It's the last thing I can do to hopefully set all this stuff right."

Luna rolled closer eagerly. "What is it?"

"Okay, here's what I need you to do…" He knelt next to Luna's turret and whispered his plan. "I need you to get out there and I need you to wait off a real fricking wait, give it a thousand years or something, and then send a call."

"Alright, you got it." Luna replied.

"Thanks, Luna." Emil said as he stood up and prepared to go. "And uh, I'm sorry that I blamed you for killing me all this time."

"That's okay." Luna sighed, lowering her turret in shame. "I'm sorry I enjoyed blowing you up so much."

"Yeah, I'm not sure it was necessary to tell me that." Emil murmured. "Anyway, I guess this is goodbye, Luna." And with that, he set off into the teleporter.

Now Luna was all alone in the canyon. "Maybe I should shut down now and save a little power." she decided and so she switched herself off. And thus silence fell upon the little box canyon known as Blood Gulch, a silence that would last for the next few hundred years…

* * *

Meanwhile, Emil arrived at Flanoir Island inside the Red Base. He made his way down to the brig just in time to see Sybak abandon his past self and Zelos in the jail cell. "Man, there is no way Zelos can disarm the bomb." he hissed to himself. "I better let him out of there and then go find Marta. She can shut it off."

He quickly slipped down the passageway to the cell's control panel. As he heard himself tell Zelos of his plan to escape, he grabbed the main handle and pulled it down, opening the cell. Then he hid as his past self and Zelos set off out of the Base. "Alright." he said as he slipped out after them. "Now to find Marta…"

* * *

Unfortunately, Marta had been captured by Tenebrae and was now being tied to a tree by the fiendish Sybak. "Sorry about this, Marta, just following the Omega's orders." the bounty hunter told her. Marta scowled and kicked out at him, narrowly missing his legs.

**"Sybak, I need you to get in position."** Tenebrae then instructed. **"Don't forget that Botta fellow is giving us a bonus if we kill Irving. It would really help fuel the whole 'conspiracy theory' he's made up."**

"Right." Sybak grabbed his sniper rifle and ran for the nearest icy peak.

As Tenebrae set off to rejoin Aska, Mithos cried out, "As the one person here who really does work for Red and Blue, I think what we're doing is despicable! Tenebrae, can't you look in your heart and see that maybe if we do this right, then Red and Blue could work together? Maybe we could end this crazy war. Wouldn't that be great? Come on, guys, let's live the dream!"

**"I like the way wars end now."** Tenebrae argued. "**When one side's completely dead, and the other side wasting away in nucular winter-"**

"It's pronounced 'nuclear'." Mithos interrupted.

**"Oh shut up! –Crying at the folly of their own hubris!"**

"Wars also end in treaties!" Mithos yelled.

**"Oh, shut up already!"** Tenebrae snapped.

* * *

Nearby, Emil had reached a good position on the cliff for spying on the Reds and Blues as they fought against Tenebrae and the elements and he turned on his radio. "Come in, Luin. I need you to meet me in the middle of the canyon, right now." But no response came. "This is Castagnier. Uh, I have money." He sighed and switched off the radio. "Oh man, where is she?"

"Psst, hey, buddy, hey!"

"Huh?" Emil turned at that voice and his jaw dropped in amazement as he saw himself standing next to a rock. "Who are you?"

"Huh? Oh I'm you." the new Emil replied. "I'm just a different version of you. You see, I keep trying to fix the bomb, just like you're doing, except I don't do it right and I get blasted back in time. Then I come back and try to fix everything all over again. I just wanna let you know, when you get back, meet us at the top of the ramp." And then he ran off.

"Us, who's us?" Emil called out. "Back from where? What's going on?"

"Five seconds!" Sheena's voice echoed across the canyon.

With a gasp, Emil slid down the cliff and ran towards the teams just as Lloyd raised the rocket launcher to his past self.

But then he heard a shot and he saw the launcher get knocked out of Lloyd's hands. He looked up to see Sybak pointing the rifle at his teammate's head and then he heard a loud beeping that grew louder and faster and right then as the bomb went off, he knew he was too late…

* * *

This time, Emil didn't end up as far back in time as the first time. As he came to outside the complex, he made his way back to the complex in time to see himself get teleported away then he ran up to Aqua. "Computer, you've got to send me back!"

Aqua looked confused. "Wait, to Blood Gulch? But, you just left."

"No, no, no, not to Blood Gulch, to Flanoir Island!" Emil cried. "Man, I totally screwed everything up!"

"How?" Aqua asked.

"Well I didn't keep the bomb from going off." Emil replied. "So I just got blasted back here."

"Yeah, me too."

Emil whirled round to see another Emil standing beside him. "What the…?"

The new Emil gave a nervous smile as another Emil popped into existence then another and another then two more and then ten more. "Let me put this way, pal" he replied as more and more Emils started appearing. "Your next plan… goes about as well as the first one does."

Aqua gulped in alarm. "Oh shit!"

* * *

And so it was that Emil made it to the ramp at Flanoir Island and found a thousand other Emils talking among themselves. "What the hell is all of this?"

The other Emils turned round. "Oh here he is, late again." one Emil sighed.

"Who are you guys?" the first Emil cried out.

"We're you, dumbass." the second Emil scowled. "We just keep screwing up and getting blown back to the computer terminal then we teleport back here to try again."

"I know that man." another Emil yelled. "You told me last time."

"I'm not talking to you." the second Emil snapped. "I'm talking to the new you!"

"Oh, right." the third Emil muttered sheepishly. "I'm sorry about that; I'm still getting used to all this."

"Dumbass." a fourth Emil hissed.

"Hey shut up." the third Emil retorted.

"How did all you guys screw up?" the first Emil asked curiously.

"Well." the second Emil replied. "When Lloyd points the rocket launcher at us, I tried to explain the situation to everybody, and oddly, Sage was really the only person who understood it right away. Anyway, by the time I finished answering questions, the bomb went off and I got sent back in time."

"Right." the third Emil agreed. "Then I teleported back to Flanoir Island and thought, if I could shoot Sybak before he shoots Irving, then I can fix everything. But I shot Sybak, then Irving shot me with the rocket launcher, the bomb went off anyway and I got sent back in time."

"Yeah." the fourth Emil confirmed. "And then I teleported back, and just decided to kill everybody that I could see."

"Why did you do that?" Emil asked flabbergasted.

"I dunno, seemed like fun." the fourth Emil muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "I think I went a little nuts there for a while."

The first Emil then turned to a Emil wearing yellow armor. "Well, what did... you do?"

"Dude, don't ask." the yellow Emil groaned. "Trust me, it didn't work."

"So now." the second Emil concluded, "we all come back here beforehand to discuss what we did and see if we can collectively come up with a better plan beforehand."

"You said beforehand twice." a fifth Emil pointed out.

"Oh." the first Emil said simply. "Well, in that case, what I was thinking about doing was-"

"That won't work!" the other Emils yelled in unison.

The first Emil looked crestfallen for a moment then he suddenly snapped his fingers. "Hey, I got it! Who's the last Emil?"

"Huh?" ten Emils asked at once.

"Which one of you is the latest version of me?" the first Emil explained.

The other Emils muttered among themselves then a hand was raised. "Um, I guess that would be me."

All the Emils parted to let the one with the raised hand step forward. "I've already tried all the stuff that all these other guys have done, even him…" He pointed to yellow Emil. "So I guess that makes me the latest version."

"Well." the first Emil decided. "That must mean you're the one that gets it right."

"What do you mean?" Emil #1000 asked.

"Well, if you're the last Emil, you must be the one that fixes everything." the first Emil explained. "Otherwise there'd be a thousand other Emils here still trying to get it right."

Emil #1000 rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Huh, I see…"

"Wait, why am I explaining this to you?" the first Emil realized. "If you're the latest Emil, then you've been me explaining this to you already."

"Uh, yeah, I know." Emil #1000 admitted, rubbing his arm in embarrassment. "I just didn't wanna steal my own thunder. I thought it was a pretty good idea."

"Thanks!" the other 999 Emils replied.

"Okay." Emil #1000 said tensely. "Well, I'm gonna go do whatever it is that fixes all this. Wish me luck, guys."

"What're you gonna do?" the first Emil called out.

Emil #1000 stopped at the top of the ramp and turned round. "You know what? I'm just gonna go free Marta and wing it. 'Cause every time I've made a plan, it's fallen apart. I figure, why not just improvise?" And he set off down the hall towards his destiny.

The first Emil then turned back to the yellow Emil. "So, what did you do?"

"Oh, man." the yellow Emil sighed dismally. "It seemed like such a good idea at the time…"

* * *

Emil #1000 made his way along the cliff to where Marta was tied up, but when he got there, he saw that one of his past selves had already reached her.

"Emil!" Marta called out. "Tenebrae and Sybak tied me up. Get me outta here!"

"You got it." Emil #983 replied as he reached for the ropes then he paused. "Wait a second, would this be a good thing or a bad thing?"

"How is setting me free a bad thing?" Marta asked.

"I'm not sure." Emil #983 admitted. "If I set you free, will you promise not to get close to me?"

"I'm already close to you." Marta growled.

"No, no, not me me; the other me me; the one with the bomb."

"What?"

"Oh right, I forgot." Emil #1000 said as he arrived behind his past self. "I already set Marta free one of the other times. Oh sweet, then that means I'm the guy that interrupts me and then confuses Marta!"

Marta glanced between the two Emils. "I'm totally confused."

"Oh don't worry, Marta." Emil #1000 reassured. "I'm just supposed to tell him that it's okay to set you free."

"It is?" Emil #983 asked.

"Well, that's what I said to me when I was you." the other Emil replied with a shrug. "And it seemed to work out okay."

"Seriously, this is really confusing." Marta muttered as Emil #983 set to work on the ropes.

"Okay, you're free, Marta." he said as Marta stepped away from the tree. "Now to execute the second part of my plan: I'm gonna possess Aska and then use his lightning machine to defuse the bomb. See ya!" And he set off along the cliffs.

"Good luck!" Emil #1000 called out then he sighed and turned to Marta. "Yeah, that's totally not gonna work. Marta, I recommend you get down there and try to defuse the bomb that's in Emil's stomach. I think you're about the only one here that can do it."

Marta nodded and turned to go but then Emil grabbed her shoulder and turned her back round. "And Marta? The one thing I didn't realize before was this: Maybe I'm the last Emil not because I fix everything, but because I died and there's no way I can come back. And if that happens…" He sighed and bowed his head sadly. "I just wanna let you know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got you mixed up in all this stupid stuff. I'm sorry I wasn't a better guy than I should've been. I'm sorry for… well, for a lot of stuff."

Marta smiled then grabbed him in a hug which lasted for a minute. Emil returned the favor, then he looked up with a grin on his face. "But if we do survive this, then it's totally because of me and you should build a fucking statue in my honor!"

Marta rolled her eyes with a smile, flicked Emil and set off down the cliff. "I'm serious!" Emil called out. "Something cool; like me on a horse! No, no, no, wait, a motorcycle!"

Just then, he heard himself screaming in alarm as the lightning bolt hit him and he knew he didn't have much time. He slid off the cliff and ran towards the teams.

He arrived just as the beeping started and Genis turned to look round. "Castagnier?"

"What can I tell you, dipshit?" Emil replied with a shrug. "For better or for worse, I'm back!"

And that's when the bomb went off, and this time Emil was blown into the future…

* * *

At this moment, the others were still trapped in the building with the bomb showing one minute left.

"We're all gonna die, starting with Wilder!" Kratos cried out in fear. "Everyone get ready to kiss your ass goodbye! Fujibayashi, you can have the honor of kissing mine."

"Hey everybody, what's up?" a voice called out just then.

The Reds, Lloyd and Genis whirled round and saw a blonde-haired, cobalt blue-armored soldier standing outside the broken shutter, a big smile on his face.

"Castagnier!" Genis cried out joyfully. "I am so happy that you made it in time to die with me. We will get to be smithereens together!"

"That won't be necessary, dude." Emil chuckled then he called out, "Hey Aqua, how ya doing?"

Behind them, the computer let out a buzz and then a sky blue hologram appeared. "Not too bad, though my static ion sub-matrix's a little itchy."

Everyone except Emil jumped and stared at Aqua in amazement.

"The computer can talk?" Sheena gasped.

"The computer's name is Aqua?" Zelos added.

Aqua then spotted the Blue leader and smiled. "So how you been, Emil?"

"Good, thanks for asking." Emil replied. "Listen; would you do me a favor? Could you shut off the bomb please?"

"No prob." Aqua answered with a nod.

Nearby the bomb was counting down the seconds and just like a bomb on 24, it shut down at the last second.

"Hold on!" Kratos cried out. "You mean to tell me you could have turned off the bomb this whole time, and you didn't say so? And don't say I didn't-"

"You didn't ask." Aqua interrupted.

"Oh, firkin derglers." Kratos muttered crossly.

With the bomb off, Aqua opened the gates and allowed Emil to rejoin his friends. "Man, it is really great to see you guys."

"You seem like you're in a good mood." Lloyd noted.

"I learned a very valuable lesson in my travels, Irving." Emil replied. "No matter how bad things might seem-"

"They could be worse." Genis finished.

"Nope." Emil contradicted. "No matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are and you better get used to it, Nancy. Quit your bitching."

Lloyd and Genis couldn't believe what they were seeing. Emil Castagnier in a good mood? "Where the fuck have you been?" Genis asked.

"You want the long version or the short version?" Emil replied with a laugh.

"I'll take whatever version's easier to understand." Genis answered.

"Oh I wanna hear the long version." Lloyd added. "But can you tell me in three parts?"


	9. Back to Stupidity

Chapter 9

Back to Stupidity

With the danger gone, the Reds went back outside to the Warthog. Emil told his team the tales of his adventures in time, leaving out his attempts to fix everything for his own benefit. Then Lloyd told them the story of their siege of Tenebrae's fortress, finishing off with how he found the swords.

"You found these things where?" Emil asked when he'd finished.

"Right up there." Lloyd replied, pointing with one of the swords to the windmill on the inner wall.

Genis meanwhile was thinking over Emil's story. "So… you went back in time and didn't change anything?"

"Uh, yeah." Emil replied. "I was just like… a passive observer."

"Hmmm." Genis muttered. "I would have tried to save your life… from me!"

"Yeah, I didn't think of that." Emil said hastily before turning to his teal teammate. "Hey dude, I don't think it's a good idea that you're keeping those things."

"You're just pissed because you don't have any." Lloyd snorted.

"No, you must have me confused with Marta." Emil retorted, nodding at the entranced freelancer. "She's been staring at you non-stop this entire conversation."

Marta kept staring at the swords like a cat would watch fish in a bowl for a moment before she responded, "That's not true."

"You haven't taken your eyes off it." Emil stated.

"Yes I have." Marta argued.

"Then why haven't you looked at me the entire time I've been talking?" Emil asked, knowingly folding his arms.

"I'm looking at you right now." Marta retorted, her eyes still on the sword.

"No you're not."

"I've already seen you. Not too impressed."

Genis was still in thought. "I would have tried to save Lualdi too."

"Well, I didn't, Sage." Emil snapped. "I didn't try to save me, I didn't try to save Marta, and I sure as hell didn't make millions of copies of myself trying to keep the bomb from going off!"

"Oh." Genis replied glumly. "Because, that was my next suggestion."

"Leave me alone, dude." Emil scowled. "I didn't wanna mess with the timeline."

"Time… line?" Genis scoffed at this. "Time isn't made out of lines. It is made out of circles; that is why clocks are round."

"Man, those things are really shiny." Marta muttered in a voice like she was hypnotized.

"Yep." Lloyd agreed unknowingly.

"Irving, man, I still think you should be careful." Emil advised his teammate. "The computer told me those things are very important relics for some ancient culture. I wouldn't go swinging them around like that."

"Yeah?" Lloyd replied. "Well I think they're just kickass pieces of bling. And who're you gonna believe, me or some super-smart, stupid, talking computer?"

* * *

Meanwhile, outside the complex, Kratos had gathered Sheena and Zelos around the Warthog. "Thank you for meeting on short notice… and so covertly."

"No problem." Zelos replied nonchalantly. "I had to move my lunch with the Pope, but uh, he was cool with it. He owes me… I helped him pick the hat."

"Shut up." Sheena snapped, seeing through Zelos's sarcasm.

Kratos whistled to get his team's attention. "I don't want the Blues finding out about this meeting, so I want us all to agree here and now we're gonna keep this between ourselves."

Zelos glanced at Sheena in confusion. "Uh sir, I don't know if you noticed, but we're not exactly buddy-buddy with those guys anyway."

"Eh, I'm not really in the market for new friends." Sheena agreed with a shrug. "I'm not sure that I'm happy with the current crop."

"No offense, Sarge." Zelos added knowingly.

Kratos nodded slightly. "Wilder, tell us what you discovered on the radio."

Zelos looked puzzled. "Me?"

"Um, actually I'm the one who heard the distress signal." Sheena clarified.

Kratos looked slightly embarrassed. "Uh huh, see I thought-"

"Yeah, I don't use the radio." Zelos added.

"Yeah." Sheena agreed. "I discovered the distress signal. That was me."

"I don't know how I got that mixed up." Kratos muttered, scratching his head in bafflement.

"It's okay, sir." Sheena comforted. "As long as everyone's clear who heard it first."

"Sorry about that." Kratos apologized.

"Why do you care?" Zelos asked.

"No really, sir, it's no problem." Sheena reassured her leader. "I think it's important to get proper credit when some of us are working hard discovering distress signals, while others are hanging out in the back seat, monkeying about!"

Zelos stared at his teammate in puzzlement. "Okay, first off, monkeying about? Secondly, I don't think listening to the radio classifies as working. And thirdly, monkeying about?! Come on."

"It's a real phrase." Sheena scowled.

"Bullshit." Zelos retorted. "That's what you said about horse-doodling."

"People say it all the time."

"What people?"

"Oh lots of people, all the time. But nobody you would know!"

"No need to get upset, fellas." Kratos cut in, pushing the two soldiers apart. "I think we're all clear now. Fujibayashi is the one who heard the distress signal, and Wilder was the one monkeying around."

"About." Sheena corrected.

"Say who now?"

"Monkeying, about." Sheena repeated.

"Yeah, people say it all the time, sir." Zelos agreed sarcastically. "You'll wanna get it right, otherwise you'll sound like a jackass."

"Can we please get back to the purpose of this meeting?" Kratos yelled.

"Yeah." Zelos agreed. "What is the purpose exactly?"

"I wanted Fujibayashi to tell us she heard a distress signal on the radio." Kratos turned to the maroon-clad girl. "Okay, go ahead."

Sheena looked befuddled. "Um… I heard a distress signal, while listening on the radio."

"I know." Zelos replied irritably. "I was in the car with you when we heard it. In fact, why are we even having this meeting? Everyone here already knows you heard a distress signal on the radio!"

"I just wanna make sure everyone is on the same page." Kratos explained.

"Same page? There's only one page!" Zelos yelled out. "You know what the page says? Sheena heard a Goddamn distress call on the radio, the end!"

"Oh look." Sheena added, pointing at an imaginary page. "Down there on the bottom, it also says, 'PS: Zelos Wilder was monkeying about.'"

Zelos let out a frustrated sigh. "Well, I can see why we don't have lots of meetings. The only person who doesn't know is Presea, and she's not even here."

"That's because I asked her to distract the Blues so we could have this secret meeting." Kratos replied.

* * *

And at that moment, Presea was just finishing off one of her tall tales to the Blues while Marta was still staring at Lloyd's swords. "…And that's the story of how I saved Christmas!"

"I did not even know the North Pole was on Katz Island." Genis breathed. "This changes everything!"

"Yeah." Lloyd muttered unsurely. "And I don't think Santa's suit is a leather biker's outfit."

"Hey, wait a second." Emil cried out. "Why are we letting this chick distract us?"

"I'm not distracting you." Presea stammered.

"Yeah you are." Emil retorted. "While we're sitting here jabbering, the Reds are over there monkeying about!"

As the Blues set off towards the outer wall, Presea turned round and did a fist pump while hissing, "Yes!"

Sure enough, they saw the Reds gathered around the Warthog, with Presea soon joining them.

"See?" Marta pointed. "They're down there, messing with the radio."

"Oh, so that's what they're doing." Emil said with little surprise.

"Yeah." Marta nodded slowly. "They must be plotting something."

"Or, maybe they're just listening to the radio." Emil argued.

Marta shook her head. "I know plotting when I see it. That's plotting."

"Maybe they're scheming." Lloyd suggested.

"No, scheming looks different." Marta explained. "That's definitely plotting. They're gonna try something."

"Why?" Lloyd asked confused. "I already told them Red and Blue are the same, it's all a conspiracy."

"And I told you that's not true." Emil scolded. "Botta just made it up to confuse us."

"That just means he's part of the conspiracy."

"But he's the one that told you Red and Blue are the same!"

"Exactly." Lloyd replied knowingly.

Emil furrowed his brows in confusion. "Wait, are you talking about a conspiracy that Red and Blue are the same, or a conspiracy that Red and Blue are different?"

"Exactly." Lloyd repeated.

"You just keep saying exactly." Emil scowled. "Do you have a theory or don't you?"

"Look, I don't care about Red or Blue." Marta cut in crossly. "All I know is that those guys are up to something down there."

Lloyd went over to the wall to look. "Maybe they're planning to use the radio to beam secret messages to the fillings in my teeth."

"Secret messages about what?!" Emil yelled.

"Exactly." Lloyd replied and was punched in the shoulder.

"They are probably trying to tune in to the distress signal they heard on the radio." Genis called from the doorway behind them.

Emil turned round to see Genis. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh I know all the details." Genis replied. "They were in their car, the Boss Hogg, when Fujiboyaki heard a distress signal on the radio and Wildboy was in the back seat… with a monkey."

"Hmmm, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that some of that is wrong." Lloyd muttered.

"How do you know all this, Sage?" Emil asked intrigued.

"Volt told me." Genis said.

"Volt? Who's Volt?" Emil turned back to Lloyd. "Are- Are you Volt?"

"I'm not Volt, I'm Irving." he replied.

"No, I know, what's your first name?"

"Lloyd."

"Lloyd… Well then, who's this Volt g-" Emil stopped and stared at Lloyd again. "Wait a second... that's an Irish name, are you Irish?"

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I don't know, I'm just curious.

"Does it matter?"

"No."

"Well, if it doesn't matter, then why are you curious?"

"I don't know." Emil muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess that's just something I should have picked up on after all this time."

Lloyd scowled as he folded his arms. "You know what else you should have picked up on? My fucking first name!"

* * *

Unaware of the argument above, the Reds watched as Sheena replayed the distress signal on the radio.

"Distress, distress, help." the high-pitched nasal voice called out. "We don't need any more distress. Distress, whoa man, it's a lot of distress."

"That's all it says." Sheena said as the message switched off. "It doesn't even say where or who."

"We know who it is." Kratos replied. "It's on the Red Army open channel; that means the Reds have survived to the future! Don't you see what this means?"

Zelos gave a heavy sigh and shook his head. "That we have absolutely no hope of ever getting out of this army…"

"No." Kratos retorted. "It means we must have beaten the Blues otherwise there wouldn't be any Reds left! Finally, victory is ours!" Then he realized something. "Wait a minute, this means I missed the entire war! Aw, dammit!"

"Yeah, everything must be great." Zelos pointed out with sarcastic tones. "That's why they sent out a distress signal."

"Maybe it's not a distress signal." Presea suggested. "Maybe it's a distress signal. Maybe it's an open invitation to some formal ball!"

"Ok, let's go with Sarge's version." Zelos decided.

Kratos nodded and turned back to his favorite private. "Fujibayashi, have you tracked the source?"

"Well, all I can tell is the direction." Sheena replied. "I have no idea how far it is."

"Why not?" Kratos cried out. "I thought you were our Unofficial Science Officer."

"That just means I'm smart." Sheena clarified. "If you want me to multiply two big numbers in my head, that I can do. But I can't measure radio signals with no equipment!"

Zelos scratched his head in thought. "What's 32 times 56?"

"31,452." Sheena replied without pause.

"Is that right?" Kratos asked.

"Yes."

"That's pretty impressive."

Sheena shrugged modestly. "Eh, you know, it's a gift."

* * *

Meanwhile, inside the complex, Genis led Lloyd and Marta to where the unexploded bomb was lying. "This is Volt." the dim Blue introduced, nodding at the bomb. "Volt, this is Irving and Lualdi. Uh, Lualdi is the black one and the blue one is Irving."

Marta and Lloyd glanced at each other worryingly before the teal soldier asked, "Volt's the bomb?"

"Uh, Volt prefers the term 'Explosive-American'." Genis replied, making air-quotes around the last word.

"Are you making fun of me?" Lloyd scowled.

Genis turned back towards the bomb. "He told me all about what the Reds were up to, didn't you Volt?"

The bomb just sat there silently.

"Yes." Genis said simply. "And then we talked about all our adventures. Did you know that he used to know Luna? Isn't that right, Volt?"

Again, the bomb didn't reply.

Lloyd took a few steps back as he asked, "Um, Sage, are you hearing the bomb talk right now?"

"Say something, Volt!" Genis yelled at the bomb through gritted teeth. "You are embarrassing me in front of my friends!"

Marta shook her head in concern. "Genis…" she said calling him by first name for the first time since they met, "I think you're losing it."

"Also, I wouldn't really call us 'friends'." Lloyd added. "We're more like acquaintances or people who work with other people they hate."

* * *

Meanwhile, Emil went into the computer room to have a talk with the hologram. "Aqua, I need you to tell me some more about the angelic race that needs Irving's sword."

"Sorry, but I don't know a thing about them." Aqua replied.

Emil was flabbergasted. "You don't know anything about the angels that programmed you?"

"Yeah." Aqua nodded. "They filled all my memories banks with just info on the Great Destroyer and his race."

"You mean Humans."

"Well that's not what they call you, but yes."

"Why, what do they call us?"

Aqua gave an uncomfortable look before she answered. "…Shisno."

Emil looked chagrined. "That's an insult, isn't it?"

"Maybe I can explain it better with a knock-knock joke."

Emil sighed but decided to humor her.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"You are."

"You are who?"

"You are a dirty, dirty shisno." she laughed.

"Alright." Emil scowled. "What does it mean?"

Aqua thought for a moment. "Umm... Ok what's the most foul-smelling animal you know?"

"Um, a skunk." Emil replied then he frowned. "Wait, so Shisno means skunk?"

"Not exactly. Ok, does a skunk defecate?"

"Well, yes."

"Now does the skunk's defecation in turn make it's own excrement?"

"Ew, no!"

"Then there's no equivalent for Shisno in your language."

Emil pulled a disgusted face. "That's disgusting…"

"Like you would not believe." Aqua agreed.

Emil remembered the conversation he'd heard between Genis and the others. "Hey, does that bomb ever talk to you?"

"The bomb? No."

"Yeah, I didn't think so." Emil chuckled.

"Volt and I aren't exactly on speaking terms right now."

"Yeah…" Then Emil's face fell. "Wait, Volt?"

"Yeah." Aqua replied. "He's kind of a jerk."

"I'm not a jerk." a new irritated voice called out. "You're just a bitch, bitch!"

As Emil whirled round at the voice, Aqua scowled. "You know that's really rude!"

"Ah, shut up, ya Shisno!" the voice retorted.


	10. Tenebrae's Attempted Revenge

Chapter 10

Tenebrae's Attempted Revenge

Upon hearing the shouts from the hall, Emil went out the computer room to where Marta, Genis and Lloyd were standing next to the bomb.

"You're trying to tell us that this bomb can talk?" he heard Lloyd ask as he arrived.

"I'm not telling you that." Genis replied. "He's telling you that."

"Yeah, and I'm standing right here." the angry voice snapped from the bomb. "You _can_ talk to me!"

"If you could talk this whole time, then why didn't you just-" Lloyd stopped talking and frowned. "Wait, why am I talking to a bomb? I'm not doing this."

"What, am I not good enough to talk to?!" Volt retorted. "Who do you think you are, some kind of 'too good to talk to a bomb' type?"

Emil quickly got between them. "Irving, maybe it's a good idea _not_ to piss off the explosive device." he advised his teammate.

"I agree." Marta added.

"I wasn't talking about you, Marta."

The freelancer scowled. "Hey, why don't you go suck on a-"

"Did Aqua say anything about the bomb being able to talk?" Lloyd quickly interrupted.

"Well, just that this whole place is going to be destroyed by us." Emil replied. "And that Volt here is probably the thing that does it."

"Oh, that's not good." Lloyd muttered.

"I don't think so." Volt yelled. "Bunch of Shisnos, if you ask me… And no one _did_ ask me, which I find insulting!"

"Alright, alright." Emil cried out in a disarming manner. "Calm down, Volt, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down, I _am_ calm!" Volt retorted. "Look at me, I'm calm!"

"Sage, calm this thing down before it has a meltdown." Emil requested.

Genis nodded and knelt down by the bomb. "Volt, everyone here is your friend, and no one wants to hurt you."

"Yeah, right." Volt muttered.

"Come on, Volt." Genis soothed. "Think of a happy place. Now what makes you happy?"

"Being in the middle of a huge explosion!" Volt yelled as he glowed brighter.

"Less happy place, Sage, less happy place." Emil warned.

"Oh, uh." Genis stumbled. "Think calming thoughts, uh… Let's count backwards from ten! Ten, nine, eight-"

"NO!" the others yelled.

* * *

Outside the building, the Reds were still trying to work on the distress signal's origins.

"Okay," Sheena announced as she stood by the machine-gun turret, "I'm 95% certain that the distress signal is coming from that way." She pointed towards the mountains.

"Excellent work, Fujibayashi." Kratos acclaimed. "Alright, let's get ready to roll!"

Zelos wasn't so easily swayed. "Only 95% certain?"

Sheena sighed as she climbed down. "Zelos, if there's one thing that I've learned from the long-ass time we've known each other, it's that there's always margin for error when I work with you."

"Excellent comeback, Fujibayashi." Kratos commended. "That's a burn."

"Thank you, sir." Sheena replied.

"Har, har, look who's so smart." Zelos scowled. "It's pronounced margarine, dumbass."

Sheena groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Seriously, if I ever meet the guy that assigned us to the same squad, I'm gonna kill him."

"Well, if you're 95% certain that it's that way, then which way's the other 5%?" Zelos asked.

"Whaddaya think?" Sheena retorted. "All the other directions."

"Then I think that's the way we should go." Zelos said with certainty.

Sheena scowled at her teammate. "You might be the dumbest person I have ever met."

"And I think you're just covering your ass." Zelos countered.

"Hey, guys!" Presea called out as she ran up to them.

But Sheena ignored her. "What? I'm not covering my ass." she yelled at Zelos. "You're the one trying to cover yours!"

"No way!" Zelos snapped back.

"Stop arguing you two." Kratos cut in, pushing the privates apart. "Fujibayashi isn't covering her ass, and Wilder certainly isn't covering his. No one's ass is being covered, got it?" He then turned his attention to the pink private. "Combatir, whaddaya want?"

Presea had watched the argument with intrigue so she didn't expect Kratos to talk to her. "Uh… is that a trick question?"

"Combatir…" Kratos growled.

Quickly Presea remembered why she came down here. "Well, I was up on the windmill again, and I think I found a route we can take outta here."

"Great!" Kratos clapped his hands together with zeal. "Fujibayashi, load up. Combatir, you back up Fujibayashi."

"Okey-dokey." Presea replied eagerly.

Kratos then turned to his least favorite private. "Wilder, you get in the base and distract the Blues while we get ready to leave."

"Okay, be right back." Zelos answered and he ran into the base.

"You're sending Zelos?!" Sheena cried out, looking up from her work. "Don't you remember the last time you sent him to distract Command during our surprise inspection? He told them we were all in the Base doing last minute cleaning because we all had cholera, and we were in quarantine for a month! My ass still hurts from all the shots we got."

"Yeah, you can say that again." Presea agreed. "Mine hurts too."

"You weren't even there, Presea." Sheena reminded.

"Oh…" Presea looked crestfallen. "I thought we were just sharing stuff."

"Wait a second." Zelos yelled out from the base's doorway. "You guys better not just be sending me, so you can run off once I'm inside!"

"Of course not, moron, now hurry up!" Kratos shouted back. He waited until Zelos went inside then he turned to the others. "Okay, everybody in the jeep."

* * *

Inside the base, Zelos could hear the voices of the Blues in the computer room. Cautiously he peeked through the doorway and saw them gathered in a circle around the bomb.

"You are in a cool river." Genis was saying, "where no one disturbs you or calls you names, like 'Bomby' or 'the Exploding Jerk'. There are sheep nearby, the kind that don't blow up. You are happy, but not overly happy, regular happy."

"Breathe in through your nose…" Marta took a long sniff and then exhaled. "…and out through the mouth. Again, in through the nose…" She took another breath. "…and out through the mouth."

"Uh, maybe I'll get some candles." Emil suggested. "Would you like some candles, or some incense, how about that?"

Zelos shook his head in bafflement and slowly backed away from the doorway as Aqua then spoke up. "Hey, Volt. Knock Knock."

"Who's there?" a grumpy voice replied.

"Inner peace and serenity."

"I already heard that one."

* * *

Zelos came out of the base and made his way to the other Reds.

"And when we get there." he heard Kratos say, "we'll radio Command and say we need a replacement, because we have absolutely no idea what happened to- Oh ,Wilder!"

"What're you doing back so soon?" Sheena asked. "That was the shortest distraction of all time."

Kratos then noticed the confounded look on Zelos's face. "What's wrong? What were the Blues doing?"

"You know, I can honestly say I have no idea what I just saw." Zelos muttered in a stunned trance. "Can I quit the army now? Seriously, I think I've seen _everything_ I need to see at this point."

"If only I could make that happen, dirtbag." Kratos sighed regrettably.

"I mean it." Zelos continued. "Just tell me where to turn in my gun, I'm done."

* * *

Meanwhile, down at the beach just outside the walls, Mithos/Tenebrae and Aska were preparing their sinister counterattack.

From his position balanced on the top of a boulder, Aska's head looked down at the lines of robots he had created. "Venga a mi ejército robotico." (Come, my robot army.) he called down. "Ahora es la día de nuestra victoria glorioso." (Today is the day of our glorious victory.)

Nearby, Tenebrae let out a sinister laugh. **"Careful you fools, I need the device intact. Muahahahahahaaaa. Now kill all those fools! And those fools over there. And, those fools, leave no fool left unkilled. This army has a no fool discrimination clause. Hahaha."**

"I like that we have a no fool discrimination clause." Mithos said. "It makes us progressive!"

**"Shut up, you fool!"** Tenebrae snapped.

* * *

"Okay, so let me get this straight." Sheena said slowly. "They were talking… to the bomb."

"Sheena, I don't know." Zelos replied with a shrug. "They mentioned something about candles and bubble-bath, and they were playing some kind of a New Age CD. It's like a freakin' Yanni fan club meeting."

"That makes no sense at all." Kratos muttered. "Do you wanna translate for us, Pinky Pants?"

"My guess is that they're trying to get the bomb to do something for them." Presea replied.

"And all that sweet talk and candles will work on a bomb?" Sheena asked in disbelief.

"It would work on me!" Presea said.

Kratos then let out a gasp. "Don't you all see what they're trying to do?"

"No." Zelos answered dimly. "Isn't that the point of this conversation?"

"The Blues are obviously trying to coax the bomb into rearming!" Kratos declared. "They're about to launch an attack… on us!"

"Why would they do that?" Zelos cried out.

"Because they're Blues!" Kratos clarified. "Somebody get this kid a manual."

"Man, I hate the Blues." Sheena stated.

"That's the spirit, Fujibayashi." Kratos praised.

* * *

Outside the walls of the base, Tenebrae was preparing his new robot army for battle.

**"Hoohoohoohahahahaaa."** he chortled. "And now the hour is at hand. It is time, my robot minions!"

"He means robot miniones." Mithos corrected. "Where's your cultural sensitivity?"

**"Oh shut up!"** Tenebrae yelled. **"At last, we will seize our destiny!"**

"Do we really have to _seize_ destiny?" Mithos whined. "Can't we just invite it to join our online circle of friends?"

**"Quiet you fool. And quit sending me those invites, they're repulsive."** He then turned back to his army. **"Prepare for battle! We will break upon their fortress like an evil wind!"**

"Ew." Mithos grimaced.

**"Crushing our reparation of lightning speed! ATTAAAAAACK!"**

"Charge!" the robots yelled out as they raised their weapons and ran towards the base… at two miles an hour.

**"You there, hurry along, and you in the back…"** Tenebrae groaned and turned to his lackey. **"Aska, can't you speed them up?"**

"E esta es la velocidad máxima." (This is their maximum velocity.) Aska replied.

**"This isn't what I asked for."** Tenebrae scowled.

"Dices des qué quieras esta día de victoria. A este velocidad, va pasar veinte cuatro horas para ganar." (You said you wanted a day of victory. At this speed, they will win in exactly 24 hours.)

Tenebrae let out an angry sigh and slapped his borrowed hand to his borrowed forehead.

* * *

Inside the computer room, the Blues had finally managed to get Volt in a relaxed state.

"So, we're cool here?" Emil asked his team.

"I think we're finally calmed down." Lloyd replied.

"Yeah." Genis agreed. "We're all better now, we're not mad and we're _definitely_not thinking about exploding at all anymore."

"Hey, are you talking about me?" Volt asked suspiciously.

"What? No, course not." Emil replied. "We just wanna make sure that we're all happy and that we're not upset in any way whatsoever."

"Don't say 'we'." Volt snapped. "You really mean me, I mean you, which in this case, is me."

"No, no, no." Emil said hastily. "Uh, we're uh, talking about Marta."

"Excuse me?" Marta cried out.

"Hey, you wanna die in an explosion? Play along." Emil whispered then aloud, "Yeah, um… I don't know if you've noticed, but she's uh… she's kind of a bitch. Isn't that right, Marta?"

"Emil…" Marta growled through her teeth.

"I don't know." Volt muttered unsurely.

"Come on, Marta." Lloyd urged silently.

Marta let out a reluctant sigh. "Yes… we're talking about me."

"Sounds like you're patronizing me." Volt retorted.

"No really." Marta argued loathingly. "It's me, I'm a bitch."

"Keep going." Emil whispered, trying to stifle a laugh.

"And I need to be calmed down all the time."

"Or what happens?" Emil prompted.

"Or else, I get so mad, I kill people on my own team." Marta finished pointedly.

Emil gulped. "I see your point."

"Tell him about the moodiness and the crankiness." Genis suggested.

"Also." Lloyd added. "Mention that you like to punch people in the head while they sleep."

"That was you?" Genis whimpered. "I thought the Tooth Fairy was mad at me!"

"Well, she sounds like a real handful." Volt replied.

"Alright, listen you little noob firecracker!" Marta snapped, stepping towards Volt.

But Emil quickly restrained her. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" He then turned to the bomb. "See what I mean, Volt? Volatile…"

"I am so gonna remember this, blondie." Marta hissed.

"You should sleep with your pillow on top of your head tonight." Genis advised.

"Yes, that's funny." Emil said dismissively. "Make all the threats you want. As long as everyone is calm and peaceful, and there's nothing to make us excited, I don't care."

Suddenly, a loud explosion rocked the base and Tenebrae's voice called out, "Attack, my robot minions!"

Emil winced a bit and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "I could almost feel that coming, right as I finished that sentence."

* * *

As the sound of the explosion faded, the Reds looked towards the smoke in alarm.

"What the hell was that?" Kratos cried out.

"It sounded like a huge explosion." Sheena replied.

"Chantilly lace!" Kratos yelped. "That means the Blues have rearmed the bomb!"

"Wait." Zelos cut in. "They rearmed it and it exploded. Isn't that good for us?"

"Wilder, don't interrupt me when I'm leading in a battle situation!" Kratos snapped.

"We're in battle?"

"Course we are." Kratos yelled out. "Now get ready for your orders. Combatir!"

"Yes sir?" the pink private said.

"Scream like a little girl!"

"Can do!" Presea replied and she ran off across the grounds screaming like there's no tomorrow. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! We're all gonna die! We're gonna die!"

"Wilder!"

"What?" the orange soldier sighed.

"Prepare to sacrifice yourself to save a nearby superior officer."

"I don't think I've been trained for that."

"Fujibayashi, kiss ass at will!"

"You're both an excellent leader and a handsome man, sir." the maroon soldier replied without pause.

"Excellent work, Fujibayashi." Kratos beamed. "Incoming!"

The Reds dropped to the ground to avoid the rocket zooming over their heads.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! We're all gonna die! Can't someone help me?" Presea paused to catch her breath then she continued screaming, "WHAAAAAAAA! Won't someone help me?"

"Wilder, you're up." Kratos commanded.

"Permission to assist Presea, sir." Zelos called out.

"Permission denied." Kratos replied. "Continue with Operation Meatshield. Remember, just because your bones are broken doesn't mean they won't stop bullets from hitting me! Now get out there!"

"Good call, Sir." Sheena cheered.

"You're on your way to a medal, Fujibayashi." Kratos replied. "In fact, medals all the way round: a Purple Heart for Wilder, a Pink Heart for Combatir and a Brown Nose for Fujibayashi."

Presea meanwhile was still screaming in terror. "WHAAAAAAAA! I'm too young to die! I'm too pretty to die! I haven't even seen Paris yet!"

* * *

By the big fan of the base's inner wall, Aska's army trudged slowly up the ramp, weapons raised and still shouting "Charge!"

On a nearby platform, Tenebrae was getting annoyed. **"Oh, for God's sake, will you hurry up?"** He turned to the head of his robot. **"Aska, I'm disappointed in your work. These minions are _much_ too slow."**

"Creo que esta moviéndro muy bien." (I think they are moving along nicely.) Aska argued.

"You don't even have legs and you still got up here faster than them!"

"Usted es los cerebros en esta operación. Yo no mas soy el músculo." (Hey, you're the brains in this operation. I'm just the brawn.)

"They may be slow, but their posture is excellent." Mithos complimented. "A for effort, Aska!"

Tenebrae let out a groaning sigh.

* * *

Inside the inner wall of the base, the Reds were preparing their next move.

"I think they're distracted." Kratos said, noting the sudden lack of rockets. "Let's use this chance to slip away."

"Good idea, sir." Sheena agreed. "I have a lock on the distress signal. We can head right for it."

"Good thinking." Kratos commended. "Everyone, in the jeep."

"Shotgun!" Sheena called out.

"Shotgun!" Zelos cried out, once again just too late. "Fuck!"

"Shotgun's lap!" Presea then said.

"Fuck!" Sheena yelled.

"There's just no room for four people." Kratos reminded them. "Someone will need to jog alongside. Wilder?"

Zelos looked confused. "Jog, what's that?"

"It's like running slowly." Sheena replied disbelievingly. "Dear God, you don't know what jogging means?"

"Yeah, you lost me at running." Zelos replied. "Sorry, it's not in my contract."

"Oh don't worry, I'll do it." Presea volunteered. "Just give me one second while I put my jogging shorts on."

"Wait." Zelos cried. "I wanna reconsider."

"Who wants to hold my ankles while I stretch out my hammies?"

"No one's falling for that twice, Presea." Kratos retorted.

* * *

Inside the base, the Blues were preparing themselves to fight the robots off.

In one passageway, Lloyd whipped his energy swords out while Marta assessed the situation through one of the windows.

"Alright, I think I can take them." she stated. "I just need a better weapon."

"Want me to help you find one?" Lloyd offered.

"Hmmm." Marta muttered. "Why don't you just give me your swords?"

"No way." Lloyd retorted, holding his sword out of reach. "I can see right through your little ploy. You just want me to give you my swords."

"That's what I just said." Marta said, amazed at his stupidity.

"Yeah, but it's the way you said it." Lloyd countered.

Marta sighed and rolled her eyes. "You know, it's a good thing that those swords don't run on brainpower…" Then she stared over the teal soldier's shoulder. "Oh my God, Irving, look! Hot chicks!"

"Nice try." Lloyd scoffed. "You just want me to turn around so you can knock me out and take the swords."

Marta then grinned. "Now the hot chicks are making out!"

"Okay, that's worth the risk." Lloyd turned round but saw nothing. "Aw, crap…" He then felt a blow on the back of his head and collapsed to the ground. The last thing he saw before darkness took over his senses was Marta grabbing the deactivated swords and running down the passage…

* * *

In another hallway, Genis was carrying the bomb over to a safe spot.

"Just stay calm, Volt." he comforted worryingly. "Everything will be fine."

"I'm okay, really." Volt reassured. "I like explosions. You on the other hand look a little nervous."

"You know, I always get nervous during battles." Genis admitted. "I think it's because we never win."

"Eh, don't sweat it." Volt encouraged. "If they get in the base, I'll just explode and kill everybody."

"Wouldn't that kill us too, Volt?" Genis pointed out.

"Hey, you can't make an omelet without blowing up a few eggs." Volt replied.

Genis paused for a moment. "I like eggs."

"Yeah, me too." Volt agreed.

* * *

Meanwhile, Emil was consulting the female hologram. "Aqua, is it possible that the Great Destroyer could be an entire army of people?"

"No. The Great Destroyer's just one person who's supposed to come and claim the weapon." she said, shaking her head.

"Yeah, that's great." Emil sighed.

Aqua then looked out into space with awe. "Prepare, one and all! The fulfillment of the Great Prophecy is at hand!"

"So you have no good news for me today." Emil groaned.

Aqua looked back and beamed. "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

* * *

Outside, Kratos drove the Warthog out of the walls and onto the beach while Presea jogged just behind. "Let's go."

From his position behind the machinegun, Zelos turned round and saw a robot coming towards them. "One of them is following us!"

"We're going too slow." Kratos decided. "We have to leave someone behind."

"Not it!" Sheena cried out.

"Not it!" Zelos added.

"What?" Presea cried out, skidding to a halt. "No way! You're leaving me behind?"

Kratos stopped the jeep and looked round. "Sorry, Combatir, but military law is very clear in regard to the 'not it' methodology for making decisions."

"Aw man." Presea muttered. "There's still so much about the army I don't understand."

"Here he comes!" Zelos yelled out.

"Combatir, you hide here and wait for the guy tailing us." Kratos ordered. "Then when he passes, shoot him square in the back and watch him die, just like John Wayne would have done."

"Hurry up, guys!" Zelos urged as he watched the robot trundling up to them. "He's getting closer! No wait, no he, yeah he is getting closer. No… yes!"

Presea looked uncomfortable. "All this retreating and shooting people in the back doesn't sound very noble."

"We're not retreating." Kratos retorted. "We're advancing… towards future victory!"

"How am I gonna find you guys?" Presea asked.

"Just follow the distress signal to its source." Sheena replied. "You'll find us there."

"But I don't have a way to track it!" Presea pointed out.

Kratos exchanged glances with Zelos and Sheena before replying, "Excellent point." And they drove off towards the mountains.

"Thank you sir." Presea called out then she sat down on a rock and waited for the robot. She sighed, smacked her lips for a bit and whistled a little tune but still the robot didn't come any closer. "Oh, God." she sighed as she got up. "Well, I've got some time." And she set off towards the base.

* * *

Meanwhile, the robots had reached the base and were firing at the complex… one at a time. "Attack!"

**"Faster, faster!"** Tenebrae encouraged. **"Oh, pathetic. Aska, how do I say faster in Spanish?"**

Aska called Tenebrae over and whispered some words to him.

**"Okay, got it."** Tenebrae replied then he turned to the robots. **"Soy un pendejo púrpuras que gusta tomar aceite."**(Hey everyone, I am a purple jerk and I love to drink motor oil.)

The robots stopped shooting to look at Tenebrae as he turned to Aska. **"That was rather long to mean hurry up."**

"Es una lengua muy poética." (It's a very poetic language.) Aska replied, struggling to stifle his giggles.

As Tenebrae continued shouting insults of himself in Spanish without knowing what he's saying, Presea peered around from behind a pillar.

"Oh man, it's that creepy dude." she whispered. "I wonder why he's insulting himself." She shook her head in confusion. "Qué curioso." (How strange.) Then she spotted the large mauve vehicle. "Ooh, the motorcycle!"

Cautiously, he slipped past Tenebrae's podium and ran over to the scooter.

"**Mi cola es muy grande. Y mi gusta frotar mi cola. Y quiero oler mi cola e también besar, a mi cola."** (My butt is very big. And I like to rub my own butt. And I like to sniff my own butt and kiss my own butt.) Tenebrae turned back to Aska. **"Are you sure cola means evil?**"

But Aska was watching as Presea started up the scooter and zoomed away. "Jefe, alguien está robandro su vehículo." (Hey boss, someone is stealing your vehicle.)

**"Oh drat!"** Tenebrae seethed. **"I only had two payments left!"**

"¿Tiene aseguran da?" (Do you have insurance on it?)

**"Of course not, it's a scam."**

"¿Por que? Vivimos en un barrio muy mal." (Why not? We live in a bad neighborhood.)

**"Of course we live in a bad neighborhood. We're evil doers! We're what make this neighborhood bad."**

* * *

Meanwhile, Emil had run out of the computer room and come across Lloyd as he regained consciousness. "Whoa, Irving, are you okay?"

"Ohh, damn." Lloyd groaned as he stood up, rubbing his head. "Okay, new rule: We start rotating knockouts. Next time, it's your turn."

"Hey, good idea." Emil replied. "And next time Sage decides he wants to go around team killing, you can take that one."

"...Maybe we should all stick to what we know best."

Emil then noticed the absence of the swords. "Hey, where's your weapon?"

"Do you think she knocked me out for fun?" Lloyd retorted. "This isn't Tuesday, dude. She took it!"

"Oh man, this is not gonna be good." Emil muttered as he ran down the passage with Lloyd just behind.

* * *

Outside, as the robots continued their leisurely attack, a shadowy figure approached from the edge of the cliffs. Then a plasma grenade landed amongst the robots and before they could react, it went off, sending them flying.

**"What was that?"** Tenebrae cried out.

"Uh oh." Mithos gulped.

At once, the figure began its attack, lobbing grenades at the robots, taking them out one by one.

* * *

As the robots were destroyed, Aqua went into a panic attack. "THE GREAT DESTROYER HAS ARRIVED, THE END IS NEAR! THE GREAT DESTROYER HAS ARRIVED, THE END IS NEAR!"

* * *

Quickly, Tenebrae grabbed Aska and scarpered for cover behind some rocks. He then placed the head on the highest boulder. **"Aska, do you see anything?"**

"No, just dead robots everywhere." Aska moaned. "My beautiful robot army, destroyed."

Tenebrae started to slip towards the back of the rocks. **"I'm going to sneak around the side. Let me know if you see anything, Aska."** But there was no response. **"Aska? Aska!"** He turned slowly around and spotted the shadowy figure glowering at him. "**OH, NO!"**

As the figure pounced, Tenebrae ran for his life, screaming at the top of his voice. **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

* * *

Meanwhile, using the tracking computer on the bike, Presea caught up with the other Reds as they found a cave in the mountains and they all set off along following the distress signal.

"Just a little bit further, guys." Sheena called out as he and Zelos went on ahead.

Kratos stared in amazement at the bike that Presea was riding. "You stole that thing all by yourself?"

"Yep." Presea nodded. "And then I ran over the guy that was chasing us, and a few other innocent pedestrians."

"I'm so proud of you." Kratos beamed.

"Yeah." Presea chuckled. "Stealing and killing are a huge rush. I wish I'd started at a much younger age. I caught the fever!"

"Okay." Sheena called out from further down the cave. "The source of this distress signal is right outside this... OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

Hearing Sheena's yell, Kratos and Presea ran down the tunnel and spotted Sheena and Zelos staring out of the exit in stunned silence. And as they stood next to them, they were also stunned.

The cave came out at the top of a cliff on the wall of a large box canyon. On either side of the canyon, there was a large building, adorned with banners colored red and blue respectively. To the casual observer, it didn't seem like much, but to the Reds, this place was awfully familiar: They were back at the canyon known only as… Blood Gulch!

For a while, the Reds were silent. But Zelos was the one who answered for all of them. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH OHOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... This sucks!"

* * *

Back at the complex, Emil and Lloyd emerged from the passageway and stood on the wall, looking down at the robotic carnage below.

"Wow." Emil breathed. "She really did a lot of damage."

"Are you surprised?" Lloyd asked.

"No, not really." Emil admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess not."

Lloyd sighed and shook his head in admiration. "I'll tell you what; it's days like today that I'm really glad she's on our side."

"Who's on our side?" a voice called out. Emil and Lloyd whirled round to see Marta staring at the destruction. "Whoa! Who killed all the robots?"

"You did." Emil replied.

"No I didn't." Marta said.

"WHAT?" Emil and Lloyd cried out.

"I've been downstairs, trying to figure out how to turn these swords on." Marta explained as she held up the handles of the swords.

"Wait a second." Emil yelled and he ran back down the passage.

"Just push the power button." Lloyd told her.

"I did." Marta pressed the button and nothing happened. "That didn't work."

"Yeah, that's surprising." Lloyd looked at one of the handles.

* * *

Meanwhile, Emil kept running down the passage and as he neared the computer room, he could hear Aqua still in a panic. "THE GREAT DESTROYER HAS ARRIVED, THE END IS NEAR! THE GREAT DESTROYER HAS ARRIVED, THE END IS NEAR!"

"Oh, come on, Aqua, stop, stop, stop!" Emil yelled as he entered. "Hey listen, if Marta is not the Destroyer from the prophecy, then who is it?"

At once, she was silent.

"Aqua?" Emil asked.

She vanished in an instant to hide in the computer after looking over Emil's shoulder. "Knock knock." she said in a scared tone.

"Who's there?" Emil asked, completely unaware of the monstrous creature sneaking up from behind him…

* * *

_**Season 3 is done! Finally, I've been aching to work on Season 4 just because of how funny as hell it is. Season 4 is probably my personal favorite Season of Red vs Blue just because of how everything goes down with their new "adventures". Well guy's hope you enjoyed this season, i'll have the first couple chapters up here within the week. So you know the drill. Review, comment, do whatever it is you do with your time. Oh yeah, as the story goes on, more freelancers will be added, and with that, some more AI. Leave me you're suggestions on which centurion should be which AI. I've already selected for Omega, Gamma, and Delta. Epsilon, Sigma, Theta, Eta, and Iota are still up for grabs so send me a message or whatever. Hasta luego, cockbites!**_


End file.
